Listening to the interlocutor involves the process of deciphering the meaning of messages. Active listening: techniques and exercises to develop the skill. Active listening technique

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Active listening is a complex communication skill, the semantic perception of speech. It involves direct interaction of all participants in the communication process (listener and speaker) and indirect interaction when speech is perceived on TV, radio, from a computer, etc. Active listening can help you understand, evaluate and remember the information being conveyed by the interlocutor. Also, active listening techniques can encourage the individual to respond, direct the conversation in the right direction, preventing misunderstanding, erroneous understanding or misinterpretation of messages received from the interlocutor.

Active listening technique

The term active listening was introduced into our culture by Gippenreiter. In her opinion, active listening should be significant for everyone, as it opens up new opportunities for establishing deep contact between parents and their children, adult spouses with each other, work colleagues, etc. Such listening can remove emerging conflicts and tensions, create an atmosphere of good and warmth, the spirit of mutual acceptance. Gippenreiter's The Miracles of Active Listening provides step-by-step instructions for mastering the skill of active listening, answers to frequently asked questions, and plenty of real-life examples that show the effectiveness of active listening.

The goal of any hearing is to obtain as much information as possible so that you can make the right decision. The quality of any conversation depends not only on the ability to speak, but also on the ability to perceive information. When the subject is interested in a conversation, he tries to listen attentively and involuntarily turns to face the subject who is currently speaking, or leans in his direction, i.e. visual contact is established.

The ability to listen as if “with the whole body” helps to better understand the personality of the interlocutor and demonstrates to the interlocutor an interest in him. It is necessary to listen to the interlocutor always carefully, especially when there is a danger of any misunderstandings. The formation of misunderstandings is possible when the conversation itself or its subject is excessively difficult to understand or completely unfamiliar. It also happens when the speaker has some speech defects or accent. In these cases, and in many others, active listening skills need to be developed.

Important in any interaction, especially for establishing contact with children or spouses among themselves, is unconditional acceptance. Communication should be based on the principle of unconditional acceptance.

Unconditional acceptance is basically demonstrating to another individual that the person exists and has value. Unconditional acceptance by one individual of another can be achieved through many factors, for example, asking questions that demonstrate to the individual that his opinion is important to you, that you would like to know and understand him better. But the most important thing in a question is the answer to it. This is where active listening techniques come into play. There are the following techniques: "echo", paraphrasing and interpretation.

The echo technique is a verbatim repetition of the last words of the interlocutor, but with an interrogative intonation. Paraphrasing is a brief transfer of the essence of the information transmitted by the partner. Usually begins with the words: "if I understand you correctly, then ...". Interpretation is an assumption about the real, correct meaning of what was said, about its goals and causes. It uses a phrase like this: "I assume that you ...".

The technique of active listening is: the ability to listen and empathize with the interlocutor; in clarifying information for oneself, by paraphrasing the statements of the interlocutor; in the ability to ask questions on the topic of conversation.

Thanks to the method of active listening, a person's self-esteem will increase, interaction with others will improve. Active listening helps identify problems and possible solutions.

The ability to actively listen is a certain algorithm of actions. So, the first thing to do in active listening is to look at the interlocutor, since eye contact is a significant element of communication. Interest in the information transmitted by the interlocutor is expressed by looking into the eyes of the interlocutor.

And if you examine the interlocutor completely (“from head to toe”), then this indicates that the interlocutor himself is more important to you, and not the information transmitted by him. If during a conversation we consider the surrounding objects, then this will indicate that neither the interlocutor, nor the information transmitted by him, is important to the person at the moment.

The main element of active listening is the ability to show the interlocutor that he is being listened to attentively and with interest. This is achieved by accompanying the partner's speech with a nod of the head, uttering words such as: "yes", "I understand you", etc. However, excessive manifestation can cause a backlash.

Also, you should not try to complete the sentence instead of the interlocutor, even if you fully understand what the subject of communication wants to say. It is necessary to give the individual the opportunity to understand and complete the thought himself.

In situations where something in the conversation is not clear, you should ask questions. You need to contact the interlocutor for clarification or clarification. The desire to obtain clarifying or additional information is one of the most important indicators of active listening. In cases where it is clear what the interlocutor is talking about, but he cannot independently express his thought, you can help him with a question. But since each question involves only a few answers, you should learn to ask the right questions.

Another important element of active perception is paraphrasing the statements of the communication partner. Paraphrasing includes an attempt to clarify the meaning of the statement by repeating to the partner his own information, but in other words. In addition to correct understanding, paraphrasing also provides an additional opportunity for the interlocutor to notice that they are listening carefully and trying to understand.

Important in active perception is the observation of the partner's feelings. To do this, you can use a phrase of this type - “I understand how difficult it is for you to talk about this,” etc. This shows the partner that they empathize with him. The emphasis should be on the reflection of the feelings expressed by the interlocutor, his emotional state and attitudes.

The main characteristic feature of active perception, which increases its effectiveness, is determined by the fact that in the process of verbal communication all possible misinterpretations and doubts are eliminated. That is, when a communication partner speaks from the position of active listening, he can always be sure that he understands the interlocutor correctly. It is the feedback verbal communication, which confirms the correct understanding of the partner and the attitude towards him without prejudice, that makes active perception (listening) such an effective means of communication. The active listening techniques are described in more detail in the book "Miracles of Active Listening" by Julia Gippenreiter.

Active listening techniques

Active listening, sometimes also called reflective, sensitive, thoughtful, is the most effective way of perceiving any information today. That is why it is so important to use active listening techniques in everyday life.

Among the methods of active listening, the following are distinguished: pause, clarification, retelling, development of thought, reporting on perception, reporting on the perception of oneself, comments on the course of the conversation.

The pause allows the verbal communication partner to think. After such a pause, the interlocutor can add something else, say something that he would have kept silent about before. It also enables the listener to step back from himself, his assessments, feelings, thoughts and focus on the interlocutor. The ability to switch to the internal process of a communication partner, moving away from oneself, is one of the most difficult and most important conditions for active perception, which creates a trusting mood between conversation partners.

Clarification is understood as a request to clarify or clarify something from the speech. In any ordinary communication, small inaccuracies and understatements are thought out by communicators for each other. However, when emotionally significant issues are touched upon in the course of the conversation, difficult topics are discussed, often the interlocutors involuntarily avoid raising painful questions. Clarification is able to preserve the understanding of the thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor in the situation that has arisen.

Retelling is an attempt by an attentive interlocutor to briefly repeat in his own words what was said by the partner. At the same time, the one who listens should try to highlight and emphasize the most important thoughts and accents. Retelling is an opportunity for feedback, understanding how words sound from the outside. The result of the retelling can be either the receipt by the interlocutor of confirmation that he is understood, or it becomes possible to correct the statements. Also, retelling can serve as a way of summing up intermediate results.

With the help of the development of thought technique, an attempt is made to pick up and move forward the course of the main idea or thought of the interlocutor.

The listener can tell the interlocutor his impression of him, which was formed in the process of communication. This technique is called perception reporting.

And the message by the listener to the interlocutor about the changes that have occurred in his personal state in the process of listening is called receiving a message about the perception of himself. For example, "I hate to hear this."

The attempt to inform the listener about how, in his opinion, the conversation can be understood in its entirety is called the reception of remarking on the progress of the conversation. For example, "it seems we have reached a common understanding of the issue."

Active listening methods

The ability to listen carefully and understand a conversation partner in psychology is called -. There are three stages of empathy: empathy, sympathy and sympathy.

Empathy occurs when a person feels emotions identical to natural ones. So, for example, if grief happened to one person, then another may cry with him. Empathy is an emotional response, an urge to help another. So, if one has a grief, the second does not cry with him, but offers help.

Sympathy is manifested in a warm, benevolent attitude towards other people. So, for example, when you like a person outwardly, i.e. is sympathetic, you want to talk to him.

Empathy helps one person to better understand another, the ability to show another that he is important. Some people have innate empathy or can develop this quality. There are two methods for developing empathy: the self-statement method and the active listening method.

The method of active listening is a technique that is used in the practice of psychological and psychotherapeutic counseling, at various trainings. It allows you to better understand the psychological state, thoughts, feelings of the interlocutor with the help of certain techniques that involve the active manifestation of personal considerations and experiences.

Carl Rogers is considered the author of this method. He believed that four basic elements form the foundation of a meaningful and profitable relationship: the expression of feelings, the regular fulfillment of obligations, the absence of characteristic roles, the ability to participate in the inner life of another.

The essence of the method of active perception lies in the ability to listen, and most importantly, to hear more than what is being reported, while giving direction in the right direction with the help of short phrases. The interlocutor should not just speak out, the conversation partner must invisibly participate in the monologue with the help of simple phrases, as well as repeating the words of the interlocutor, paraphrasing them and directing them in the right direction. This technique is called empathic listening. During such listening, it is necessary to step back from personal thoughts, assessments and feelings. The main point during active listening is that the verbal communication partner should not express his own opinion and thoughts, evaluate this or that act or event.

Active listening has several specific methods: paraphrasing or echo technique, summarizing, emotional repetition, clarification, logical consequence, non-reflective listening, non-verbal behavior, verbal signs, mirror reflection.

Echo technique consists in expressing thoughts differently. The main goal of ecotechnics is to clarify the message, to demonstrate to the communication partner that he has been heard, to give a kind of sound signal "I'm the same as you." This method consists in the fact that one interlocutor returns his statements to another (several phrases or one), paraphrasing them in his own words while inserting introductory phrases. To paraphrase information, it is necessary to choose the most significant and essential points of statements. With the so-called "return" of the remark, it is not necessary to explain what was said.

A feature of this technique is its usefulness in cases where the statements of the interlocutor seem understandable to his communication partner. It often happens that such “understanding” is illusory and there is no real clarification of all the circumstances. Echotechnics can naturally and easily solve such a problem. This technique gives the communication partner an idea that they have understood and push to discuss what seems most important. With the help of paraphrasing, one subject of communication allows another to hear his statement from the outside, makes it possible to notice mistakes, realize and clearly formulate his thoughts. In addition, this technique gives time for reflection, which is especially necessary in a situation where it is impossible to immediately find an answer.

Summarizing consists in summing up, highlighting the main idea, reproducing the words of the interlocutor in a generalized and concise form. The main purpose of such a technique is to show that the one who listens has caught the information of the speaker in full, and not just one part. The summary is conveyed using a specific set of specific phrases. For example, "in this way". This method helps when discussing complaints or solving problems. Summing up is very effective in cases where the clarification is at an impasse or dragged on. This technique is quite effective and harmless way to end a conversation with a too talkative or just talkative interlocutor.

Emotional repetition consists in a brief repetition of what was heard, preferably using key words and turns of the client. In this technique, you can ask questions like: “Did I understand you correctly?” At the same time, the interlocutor is satisfied that he was heard and understood correctly, and the other will remember what he heard.

Clarification consists in addressing the speaker for a specific clarification. You need to start with elementary questions - clarifying. The effectiveness of clarification in most cases depends on the technique of asking questions. Questions should be open-ended, should be - as if unfinished. Clarifying questions usually begin with the words “where”, “how”, “when”, etc. For example: “what do you mean?”. With the help of such questions, you can collect the necessary and meaningful information that reveals the inner meaning of communication. Such questions explain to both partners in the conversation the details that were missed in communication. In this way, they show the interlocutor that the partner is interested in what he hears. With the help of questions, you can influence the situation so that its development takes place in the right direction. With the help of this technique, you can detect lies and their background without generating hostility from the communication partner. For example: “can you repeat it again?” With this technique, you should not ask questions that require one-word answers.

A logical consequence involves the conclusion by the listener of a logical consequence from the statements of the speaking interlocutor. This method makes it possible to clarify the meaning of what was said, to obtain information without using direct questions. This technique differs from others in that the interlocutor does not simply paraphrase or summarize the message, but makes an attempt to derive a logical consequence from the statement, puts forward an assumption about the reasons for the statements. This method involves avoiding rush to conclusions and the use of non-categorical wording and softness of tone.

Non-reflective listening or attentive silence lies in the silent perception of all information without parsing or sorting. Since sometimes any phrase of the listener can either be passed "by the ears", or, even worse, can cause aggression. This is because such phrases run counter to the interlocutor's desire to speak out. When using this method, you need to make it clear to the interlocutor, using a signal, that the listener is focused on his words. As a signal, you can use a nod of the head, a change in facial expression or affirmative remarks.

Non-verbal behavior consists in eye contact with a duration of direct gaze directly into the eyes of the interlocutor for no more than three seconds. Then you need to look at the bridge of the nose, the middle of the forehead, chest.

An active posture means listening with expressive facial expressions, a bright face, and not with a dismissive facial expression.

Verbal signs consist in the interlocutor giving signals of attention with such phrases as: “continue”, “I understand you”, “yes-yes”.

Mirroring is the manifestation of emotions that are consonant with the emotions of a communication partner. However, this method will be effective only when real experiences that are felt at a particular moment are reflected.

Active listening examples

Active listening can be used to improve sales effectiveness. Active perception in sales is one of the main skills of a successful salesperson (sales manager), helping to "talk" the prospective buyer. This skill should be used at all stages of the client-manager interaction. Active listening is more effective at the initial stage of the research, when the seller finds out what exactly the client needs, as well as at the stage of working with objections.

Active listening in sales is essential for customers to be willing to talk about their problems. To make a profitable offer to a specific potential buyer, you need to understand what will be beneficial for him. To find out, you need to ask the right questions. Two methods of active listening are used: non-verbal, paraphrasing, summarizing and clarifying.

Active listening is also necessary when interacting with children, which consists in using certain methods. In order to listen to the child, you should turn to face him so that your eyes are at the same level. If the baby is very small, then you can pick him up or sit down. You should not talk to children from different rooms or turn away from them while doing any housework. Since by the posture the child will judge how important it is for parents to communicate with him. Parents' responses should be in the affirmative. You should avoid phrases that are framed in the form of a question or do not display sympathy. It is necessary to pause after each remark. Gippenreiter described active listening in more detail in her books.

Active listening is indispensable in family relationships, and in business, in almost any area of ​​personal interaction. An example of a rewarding method of active listening is the phrase: "I'm listening to you", "Very interesting." An example of a clarification is the phrase - “How did this happen?”, “What do you mean?”. An example of empathy is the phrase: "you seem a little upset." An example of a summary is the phrase: “as I understand it, is this the key idea of ​​what you said?”.

Active listening exercises

There is a huge variety of different exercises to develop the technique of active listening. The Active Listening exercise involves several participants and will last 60 minutes. All participants sit in a circle. The exercise is performed in pairs, so each participant is offered a choice of choosing a partner.

Next, cards are distributed with written rules for active listening. Roles are assigned in pairs. One partner will be "listening", and the second - "speaking". The task includes several successive stages, designed for a limited period of time. The facilitator tells what needs to be done, when to start the task, and when to finish it.

So, the first stage is that the "speaking" for five minutes tells his partner in a couple about the difficulties of his personal life, problems in interaction with others. The "speaking" should pay special attention to those qualities that give rise to such difficulties. The “listener” at this time must follow the rules of active listening, thereby helping the interlocutor to talk about himself. The host stops the conversation after five minutes. Further, the “speaker” is invited to tell the “listener” for one minute what helps to open up and freely talk about his life, and what, on the contrary, made such a narration difficult. It is important to take this stage seriously, because in this way the “listener” can find out for himself what he is doing wrong.

After a minute, the leader gives the second task. The "speaking" must tell the partner in a couple about the strengths of his personality in communication for five minutes, which helps him establish interaction, build relationships with other subjects. The “listener” must again actively listen, using certain rules and techniques and taking into account the information received from his partner during the previous minute.

After five minutes, the facilitator stops the conversation and proposes a third stage. Now the "listener" must tell the "speaker" in five minutes what he remembered and understood for himself from the partner's two stories about himself. At this time, the “speaker” should be silent and only show with head movements whether he agrees with what the “listener” says or not. If the "speaker" shows that the partner did not understand him, then the "listener" corrects himself until the "speaker" nods, confirming the correctness of the words. After the listener's story is finished, his partner may note what was distorted or omitted.

The second part of the exercise involves changing the roles of "listener" to "talker" and vice versa. These stages are repeated, but the leader each time starts a new stage, gives the task and finishes it.

The last stage will be a joint discussion about which role would be more difficult, which active listening methods were easier to perform, and which, on the contrary, were more difficult, what was harder to talk about, communication difficulties or strengths that partners felt in the role of "talker", what effect did the various actions of the “hearer” have had.

As a result of this exercise, the ability to listen to a communication partner is formed, the barriers of listening are realized, such as: assessment, desire to give advice, tell something from past experience. Active listening skills will improve your daily interactions with people in your personal life as well as in your public life. They are also indispensable assistants in doing business, especially if it is related to sales.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

Probably, everyone in life has had situations when you informed a person about something important, significant for you, and realized that they did not hear you, they did not listen. Why? A person sits opposite, looks at you, and you get the impression that he seems to be “not here”. Remember your state, your feelings at the same time. Most likely, you lost all desire not only to share something with him, but also to speak in general. And in my heart there was a state of depression and discomfort. This is because we do not always know how to listen. What then is listening really and why is it necessary at all?

Hearing - this is a process during which invisible connections are established between people, a feeling of mutual understanding arises, which makes the communication process more effective.

Listening can be passive or active.

At passive listening it is difficult for us to understand whether the interlocutor perceives our speech. At the same time, there are no mimic or physical reactions to the information received. It seems that the interlocutor only looks at us, but thinks about his own. The feeling of not being included in the process.

Active listening helps to understand, evaluate and remember the information received from the interlocutor. In addition, the use of active listening techniques can encourage the interlocutor to respond, direct the conversation in the right direction and contribute to a better understanding and correct interpretation of the information received from the interlocutor during your communication. This is especially important when negotiating and communicating with victims in the emergency zone.

According to one very common myth, the ability to listen is a skill that, like the skill of breathing, a person receives at birth and then uses throughout his life. This is not true. Active listening can be learned, and the ability to listen is a more useful skill than the ability to speak eloquently and persuasively. If you skillfully ask questions, but do not know how to listen to the answers, then the price of such communication is small.

CONCLUSION: Thus, we can say with confidence that the ability to hear and be heard is important not only in our everyday life, but also directly in our work. For example, in the shortest possible time of dialogue with the victims, collect the most significant information for us (including information about the whereabouts of other victims). And this skill needs to be developed.

The process of listening itself is of two kinds: passive and active. With passive listening, it is difficult for the interlocutor to understand whether you hear him or not, since this type implies dim, meager emotions, which means little involvement in the communication process. The active listening method appeared as a communication technology as a result of analyzing the behavior of people who have the ability to achieve the desired results from the interlocutor in the course of a conversation. For example, in order to correctly understand the information told to you, quickly isolate what you need from the conversation, and also be able to be a grateful listener with whom you want to communicate. When working with victims, these skills are especially important. Any information coming from the victim can significantly reduce the time to search for others (in the case of working with an eyewitness of the incident), as well as understand the feelings, anxieties and fears of a person with subsequent prediction of the dynamics of his condition (possible occurrence of acute stress reactions, or a high probability of the formation of an active crowds).

There are several active listening techniques that you can use to show interest and involvement in the conversation with the victim.

Active listening is a process in which the listener not only perceives information from the interlocutor, but also actively shows understanding of this information. Sometimes you can also call it a type of active listening.

• echo technique- this is the repetition of individual words or phrases of the client without any changes.
• Clarification- not always in the story a person describes all the details of events or experiences. Ask to clarify everything, even the smallest details.
• pauses When the person finishes speaking, pause. It gives the opportunity to think, comprehend, realize, add something to the story.
• Perception message- in other words, this is an opportunity to inform the interlocutor that you understood what he said to you, his emotions and state. “I understand how upset and hurt you are now. I want to cry and be pitied."
• Development of thought- the implementation of an attempt to pick up and move forward the course of the main idea or thought of the interlocutor.
• Perception message- The listener tells his interlocutor about what impression he made during the conversation. For example, “You are talking about things that are very important to you”
• Reflection of feelings- an expression of the emotional position of the interlocutor based on the listener's observations not only of what the communicator says, but also of what his body expresses "I see that you care about it ..."
• Self-perception message- the listener informs his interlocutor about how his state has changed as a result of hearing "I was hurt by your words"
• Notes on the course of the conversation- the listener reports how the conversations as a whole can be comprehended. “Look, we have reached a common understanding of the problem”
• Summary- carrying out intermediate results of what was said by the interlocutor in the course of his monologue “So, we discussed the following with you: ...”

Active listening techniques in the table

Active Listening	Target	Characteristics
uh-huh - assent	make it clear to the interlocutor that they are listening	head nods "yes", "uh-huh", "yeah"
pause	help the interlocutor gather his thoughts and speak out to the end	timely silence
closed questions	obtaining consent or confirmation of a previously reached agreement	questions that require "yes" or "no" answers
open questions	getting as much information from the interlocutor as possible	questions: “how”, “what”, “when”, etc.
paraphrasing	enable the speaker to see that he is understood correctly	phrases: "in other words…" "If I understand you correctly, then..."
summary	highlighting the main idea (without accompanying emotions) from what the interlocutor has already said	phrases: "thus…" “To sum up what has been said, then…”

1. "Uh-huh" - assent.

This is the simplest active listening technique. Any person uses it almost intuitively. During a conversation, it is recommended to periodically nod your head, say “yes”, “uh-huh”, “yeah”, etc. By doing this, you let the interlocutor know that you are listening to him and are interested in him. For example, when you talk about something on the phone, the use of such techniques by the interlocutor let you know that you are being listened to. Silence, throughout the story, would make you doubt that your partner is interested in your information.

1. Pause.

It is necessary in a conversation in order to help the interlocutor speak out to the end. Firstly, a person often needs time to formulate his thoughts and feelings, and secondly, pauses free the conversation from unnecessary and unnecessary information. For example, when telling a story, a person is likely to imagine it. And, in order to translate the figurative representation into a verbal story, it is necessary to choose the right words. And pauses here are a necessary means of "transformation" of the image into a word.

1. Features of the formulation of questions.

There are two types of questions: closed and open.

Closed questions are appropriate not when you want to get as much information from the interlocutor as possible, but when you need to speed up obtaining consent or confirmation of a previously reached agreement, confirm or refute your assumptions. Questions of this type imply answers: "yes" or "no". For example, you can cite such questions: “Have you eaten today?”, “Are you healthy?”, “Have you been here long?” "Were you alone?" etc.

Open questions characterized by the fact that they cannot be answered "yes" or "no". They require some kind of explanation. Usually they begin with the words: “what”, “who”, “how”, “how much”, “why”, “what is your opinion”. With questions of this type, you allow the interlocutor to maneuver, and the conversation - to move from a monologue to a dialogue. These types of questions may include the following: “What did you eat today?”, “How do you feel?”, “How long have you been here?”.

1. Paraphrasing.

This is a formulation of the same thought, but in different words. Paraphrasing enables the speaker to see that they are being understood correctly. And if not, he has the opportunity to make adjustments in time. When paraphrasing, focus on the meaning and content of the message, and not on the emotions that accompany it.

Paraphrasing can begin with the following phrases:

- "If I understand you correctly, then ...";

- "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you say that...";

– “In other words, do you think that…”;

This technique is appropriate when the speaker has logically completed one of the fragments of the story and is gathering his thoughts to continue. Do not interrupt him until the fragment of the story is finished.

For example, your interlocutor tells that he somehow came home tired, put down his briefcase and took off his shoes, and when he went into the room, he saw a pot of flowers there, broken and lying on the floor, and his beloved cat was sitting next to him, but he I decided not to punish her, although I was very upset. In this case, the paraphrasing technique can be used like this: if I understood you correctly, then when you came home, you saw a broken pot of flowers and your cat next to you. But, despite the fact that you were upset by what you saw, you decided not to punish your pet.

1. Summary.

This technique summarizes the main ideas and feelings. This is, as it were, a conclusion from everything that has already been said by man. The summarizing phrase is the speech of the interlocutor in a "curtailed" form. This method of active listening is fundamentally different from paraphrasing, the essence of which, as you remember, is to repeat the opponent’s thoughts, but in your own words (which shows our interlocutor our attention and understanding). When summarizing, only the main idea stands out from the whole part of the conversation, for which phrases such as:

- “Your main idea, as I understand it, is that ...”;

- "To summarize what has been said, then ...".

For example, your boss told you that “due to the fact that relations with colleagues from Italy have become tense and may threaten a conflict, you need to go on a business trip to negotiate, establish relations with them and try to conclude a contract.” Here, the summary technique would sound like this: “to summarize what has been said, you are asking me to go to Italy in order to establish contact with colleagues and conclude an agreement with them.”

The group is divided into threes. The first person in the trio tells the story, the second person listens using active listening techniques, the third person observes and gives feedback on how it looked from the outside. At the end of the work, each of the three parties shares their feelings. After all the triplets have finished the exercise, a group discussion is held.

Was it hard to listen? Why? What hindered?

- Was it easy, was it pleasant to tell?

What techniques did you use to show the speaker that you were listening and understanding?

-Which technique was the most difficult for you?

Did the speaker have the feeling of being "heard"?

1. rapport(emphasis on the second syllable).

Rapport includes "attaching" to a person through certain "channels": by intonation, by the rate of speech and by breathing.

- joining by intonation;

The same words, pronounced with different intonations, are capable of conveying different meanings, up to the opposite ones. Even the simplest word "yes" with different intonation can carry a denial. Intonation is able to convey deep emotions (sadness, pity, tender feelings, etc.) and various states (indifference, curiosity, peace, anger, anxiety, etc.). Therefore, in order to be understood correctly, it is very important to keep track of your own intonation.

For example, the phrase "I'm glad to see you" with different intonation can have different meanings. In one case, we understand that the person is sincerely glad to see us, and in the other, that this phrase was said only out of politeness.

When communicating with the victim, joining by intonation sometimes gives a colossal result, there is a kind of identification of him and you, an impression of kinship, similarity, understanding of the state of the victim is created, which greatly facilitates further interaction with him.

- joining according to the pace of speech;

The pace includes the speed of speech as a whole, the duration of the sound of individual words and pauses.

Too fast speech can indicate excitement and high internal tension, even some kind of nervousness. Too slow and sluggish speech may indicate a depressive, apathetic state of a person. But in order to determine what state our interlocutor actually prevails at the moment, this factor alone is not enough, since for some people, due to temperament, a fast or slow pace of speech is everyday. If the speech of the victim is very fast, we can gradually, slowing down our pace, somewhat reduce the nervousness and internal tension of the opponent.

- connection by breathing.

By “joining” the interlocutor’s breathing, on the one hand, it is much easier to talk at the same pace with the interlocutor (since the rate of speech depends on breathing), and on the other hand, it becomes possible to change his emotional state by changing both the pace and his breathing. For example, an angry friend who is outraged by something bursts in on you. His speech is fast, his breathing is rapid. And in this situation, in order to get the feeling that you hear a person and understand his feelings, it is necessary, having joined him both emotionally and by the frequency of breathing, to conduct a dialogue with him. After you understand that the interaction has occurred, you need to reduce the frequency of your breathing and reduce the emotional background of speech. After a while, you will see that your interlocutor is talking to you in the same mode.

1. Reflection of feelings, empathy.

The concept of "empathy" means the ability of a person to experience those emotions that arise in another person in the process of communicating with him. This is the ability to imagine yourself in the place of another and understand his feelings, desires, ideas and actions.

To establish effective interaction, it is necessary to use the technique of “reflection of feelings”, and then the conversation becomes more sincere, a feeling of understanding and empathy is created, and the interlocutor has a desire to continue contact. Reception of "reflection of feelings" includes two directions:

- a reflection of the feelings of the interlocutor.

When you name the feelings that a person experiences, understand him and "get" into his feelings, your interlocutor feels a "kinship of souls", begins to trust you more and communication moves to a qualitatively new level.

- reflection of their feelings;

Talking about your feelings can solve several problems at once. First, negative feelings and experiences can be significantly reduced by the very fact that these feelings are voiced. Secondly, the conversation itself becomes more sincere. And, thirdly, it encourages the interlocutor to openly express his feelings.

In the process of listening, it is important not to forget about the voice characteristics of a person who experiences a state of anxiety or nervous tension during a conversation.

These characteristics can be:

• unexpected spasms of the voice - which may indicate internal tension;
• frequent coughing - can tell us about deceit, self-doubt, anxiety. But we must not forget that coughing can be the result of respiratory diseases, such as bronchitis;
• sudden laughter inappropriate to the moment - can characterize tension, lack of control over what is happening.

All these features, of course, must be taken into account in a conversation, but do not forget that each person and his reaction is individual and does not always mean the same thing.

– Do you remember if there were such cases in your experience where your interpretation of the state of a person, based on external signs, was erroneous?

– What did it lead to?

– How could you take into account such external manifestations in your work?

Like any other method, active listening has its pitfalls, the so-called common mistakes.

Let's consider some of them:

• desire to give advice;
• Willingness to ask clarifying questions.

The first can be dangerous in that a person, after listening to your advice, may “work” psychological defense mechanisms.

As a result:

• firstly, the person is likely to reject the advice you offer (no matter how good it is), or the responsibility for the decision will fall on you;
• secondly, the destruction of an already established contact is possible.

Asking a lot of clarifying questions is also not recommended for the following reasons:

• firstly, there is a great danger of taking the conversation far enough away from the topic that concerns a person;
• secondly, by asking questions, you take responsibility for the conversation, talk a lot yourself, instead of giving your interlocutor (the victim) the opportunity to speak.

How to understand if the method of active listening helped in the work?

There are some indicators that determine the success of using this method in a conversation:

1. Progress in solving the problem of the interlocutor.

A person, speaking out, begins to see possible ways out of a problem situation.

1. Visible decrease in the intensity of negative experiences.

The rule here is that grief, shared with someone, becomes twice as easy, and joy becomes twice as much. If a person begins to talk more about himself or about a problem that interests him, this is another indicator of the effectiveness of active listening.

LISTEN TO YOUR INTERVIEWERS!!!

Here is a short video clip with an example (a little humor). Active listening techniques from 0:40 seconds

You must have heard somewhere about active listening method, but, as is often the case, heard - but can not remember what the meaning is. Of course, there is nothing better than reading books on the subject, for example, K. Rogers "Counseling and psychotherapy", Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter “Communicate with the child. How?", or T. Gordon "Training an effective parent." But if this is not possible, you can learn the method of active listening quickly and without spending time by reading this article.

A bit of history or who invented the method of active listening?

The method of active listening is a technique used in the practice of socio-psychological training, psychological counseling and psychotherapy, which allows you to more accurately understand the psychological states, feelings, thoughts of the interlocutor with the help of special methods of participating in a conversation, implying the active expression of one's own feelings and considerations.

Where did this method come from? Active listening was developed by Carl Rogers.- American, humanistic psychotherapist. Initially, Rogers was interested in the problems of child psychology, which was reflected in his book Clinical Treatment of the Problem Child (1939). But his book is best known. "Counseling and Psychotherapy" where the Principles of Rogerian therapy are stated - this is an invaluable acceptance of the individual and his expressions, an open response. This book is the same useful for both the account manager and the parent.

"Four basic elements create the foundation of a profitable and meaningful relationship: the constant fulfillment of obligations, the expression of feelings, the absence of specific roles, the ability to participate in the inner life of another."

The essence of the method of active listening in communication with the child

To briefly characterize this method: you need to listen and hear more than you are told, directing the interlocutor in the right direction with short phrases. The child should not just speak out, you invisibly participate in his monologue, with simple phrases and repetitions of his own words, only in other words, direct his thoughts towards the analysis of the situation. This accessible and simple method is often referred to as − empathic listening. The main thing is to be able at the moment of listening step back from your own thoughts, feelings, and judgments. This is very important key point- you should not at the moment of active listening express your own thoughts, express your assessments of this or that event or act of the child. It is from the desire to express one's opinion, to impose one's point of view, to express an assessment of the event - it is so difficult for most parents to refuse. But if you can restrain yourself, the result can exceed all your expectations.

“The father of a fifteen-year-old girl, returning from a parenting class where he was introduced to active listening, found his daughter in the kitchen chatting with her classmate. Teenagers in unflattering tones discussed the school. “I sat on a chair,” my father later said, “and decided to actively listen to them, no matter what it cost me. As a result, the guys talked without closing their mouths for two and a half hours, and during this time I learned more about my daughter's life than in the previous few years! - from book “Communicate with the child. How?".

A few simple rules for active listening

Included attention

Turn to face, make eye contact, do not ask questions when the child is upset (should be in the affirmative form of sentences).

Retelling what you heard in your own words

Express interest. You can repeat after the interlocutor (use other words with the same meaning), in this case after the child, the last words, or nod and pronounce interjections, short phrases: yes, I understand, this is true, etc.

You can retell what you heard in your own words so that the child understands that you are really listening to him and to clarify whether you heard him correctly.

Daughter: I won't wear that awful skirt

Mother: you feel uncomfortable in it.

The usual reaction of the mother: stop it, it really suits you.

Affirmative Phrases

These are phrases that show that you hear and understand the child.

Son: I will no longer hang out with Petya!

Parent: You were offended by him.

Habitual reaction: Have a fight again?

The secret is that a phrase framed as a question does not reflect sympathy.

Often to the question: “What happened?” the upset child replies: “Nothing!”, and if you say: “Something happened ...”, then it can be easier for the child to start talking about what happened.

Hold a pause

Very important in a conversation "keep pause". The pause gives the child the opportunity to think, and the parent to step back from their thoughts, feelings, assessments and problems.

Label a feeling

In order for the child to become aware of his feelings, he needs help.

Daughter (with a gloomy look): I am no longer friends with Masha!

Mother: You don't want to play with her anymore. (Repetition of what was heard). (habitual reaction: Why?)

Daughter: Yes, I do not want ...

Mother (after a pause): You were offended by her ... (Designation of feelings).

After everything you have heard, it is permissible to express your feelings in relation to the subject of the conversation (It was unpleasant for you - it hurts me very much to hear it, etc.)

At the end of the conversation, you can summarize by asking questions: Did I understand correctly that ...? As a result, we can say that ..., As far as I understood it ..., it was about ..., As a result ....

An example of an active listening conversation

“... Mom puts four-year-old Masha to bed, and the girl asks to sit with her.

DAUGHTER: Mommy, well, a little more, well, a little bit!

MOM: Mashenka, it's already late, all the guys are sleeping.

DAUGHTER: All day alone and alone, I don’t want more!

MOM: You play in the garden with the guys all day ... (Recalls active listening.) You feel lonely ...

DAUGHTER: Yes, there are a lot of guys, but they don’t let mom into the garden.

MOM: You miss me.

DAUGHTER: I miss you, but Sasha Petrov is fighting.

MOM: You're angry with him.

DAUGHTER: He broke my game!

MOM: And you're upset...

DAUGHTER: No, I pushed him so as not to break him, and he punched me in the back.

MOM: It hurt... (Pause.)

DAUGHTER: It hurts, but you're gone!

MOM: You wanted your mother to take pity on you.

DAUGHTER: I wanted to go with you...

MOTHER: Let’s go… (Pause.) DAUGHTER: You promised to take Igor and I to the zoo, I’m still waiting, but you won’t take me!”

What interferes with active listening and what should be avoided in a conversation with a child

• orders, commands;
• warnings, warnings, threats;
• moralization, moralizing, preaching;
• ready-made advice and solutions;
• proofs, bringing logical arguments, reading notations, "lectures";
• criticism, reprimands, accusations;
• name-calling, insult, ridicule;
• use of guesswork, interpretation;
• inquiring, investigation;
• sympathy in words, persuasion, exhortation,
• joking, avoiding conversation.

As a result, by analyzing the method, we get a simple scheme for communication:

Attention expressed in posture - repetition of phrases - affirmative phrase - pause - designation of feelings - expression of one's perception - results.

Conversation by active listening method very unusual for our culture, and it is not easy to master it.

“How often do we leave children alone with a load of different experiences with our resolute “Late!”, "Time to sleep", while a few minutes of listening could really soothe a child before bed. ”, - argues in his book Julia Gippenreiter.

It is important to remember one simple rule - any method, read book, theory, technique - will come to life only when you apply it every day. At first, you will have to pull yourself up, correct yourself, so as not to return to your previous, habitual reactions (“what a horror! You broke a vase, and even got hurt!”, etc.) But soon, you will feel how the method of active listening becomes part of your manners. That's when the most real miraculous transformations will begin: relations with children will move to a new qualitative level: understanding each other.

This maintains mutual understanding and trust between the interlocutors.

Effective Active Listening Techniques

There are many ways to turn passive listening into active listening. In addition to the above basic factors, there are three more techniques that are also worth familiarizing yourself with. They help you quickly understand the process.

Active listening technique
Peculiarities
Echo
It consists in repeating the last words of the partner, but with an interrogative intonation

This is the right moment to clarify and demonstrate the importance of the information coming from the interlocutor. Emphasis on the importance of the individual.
Interpretation
It implies making assumptions about the goals and reasons for such a position of the interlocutor in the dialogue.

Often begins with the phrase "I assume that you wanted to achieve the above ...". Allows you to demonstrate sincere interest in the opinion of another person and clarify the details.
Paraphrasing
It is a short recap. The beginning of the sentence is the phrase: "If I understood correctly, you meant ...". Allows you to show interest and find out the nuances.

• clarification of the true meanings of the conversation;
• manifestation of signs confirming the value of dialogue.

Feeling their own importance and genuine interest in the conversation, the interlocutor becomes more open. This contributes to fruitful mutually beneficial communication, the emergence of trust, strong relationships. Such results are valuable in any area of ​​life (communication with family members and friends, cooperation with partners and colleagues).

Empathy is a powerful enhancer of all active listening techniques and techniques. People who know how to feel the state of others are able to quickly establish positive contact, use any technique appropriately and delicately.

Therefore, to increase the effectiveness of the application of selected techniques (from the list below), it is important to work on the level of empathy

Pause

After the opponent has finished his story, you should just be silent for a couple of minutes. Such a pause will allow you to better digest what you heard, to separate emotions from the true subject of the conversation.

Such a break will allow a speaking person to take a break, remember something important and say it. Often the use of such a technique helps him to open up even deeper after a short respite.

Please clarify

Sometimes the interlocutor misses a lot of important and interesting details in his story. Showing attention to them is a great way to emphasize the value of information coming from him and sincere interest in it. Also, this technique of active listening will help to avoid omissions and strengthen trusting relationships, to form in the imagination a complete picture of the topic of conversation.

We develop thought

Sometimes a person deviates from the essence of the conversation or cannot find the exact words to continue the topic. In this case, active listening to develop the main idea of ​​the conversation will be an excellent assistant. It is necessary to return the speaker to the main thread of the dialogue and delicately develop it together with him.

Making a message

A technique that can be used to gently give feedback. Depending on the situational features, it can be implemented in two versions:

1. Perception message. The listener shares his impressions of the partner or directly from the conversation. This approach is especially valuable for strengthening ties between children and parents, spouses.
2. Self-perception message. In this case, the listener describes his internal state after the conversation, the changes that have occurred.

Whatever the message is (positive or negative), it is important to express it in a calm, friendly tone. Rudeness, aggressive accusations and other negative forms of expressing feelings instantly nullify the entire effectiveness of active listening.

We talk about emotions

This active listening technique involves open communication about the internal state of the interlocutor with an expression of a desire to support or help. For example, when the speaker gets very upset during the conversation, this technique is implemented by the phrase "I see how hard and painful it is for you to talk about this ...". Helps to demonstrate a sensitive attitude, which often becomes the basis of a trusting relationship.

Making comments about the conversation

The technique allows you to express the end result of the successful (or vice versa) development of the conversation. It is a comment about reaching a common understanding of the topic. If it has not been reached, the remark may reflect a problem of misunderstanding. This is how the next stage of its effective resolution is formed (after the exact formulation of the subject of the dispute or reticence).

Active listening in telephone sales

This technique in telephone sales has its own characteristics: the manager has fewer tools to support active listening, because he does not see who is on the other side. It is impossible when talking on the phone to support the interlocutor with a gesture, look, facial expressions

Therefore, oratorical skills are more important here: one must speak clearly, clearly, specifically, avoiding complex structures. Be sure to let the person talk and not interrupt him.

At the beginning of a conversation, you should always support the speaker, agree with his arguments. For example, when talking on the phone, a potential customer may say: “I won’t buy your windows, they are bad, but Zarya has really good windows.”

The mistake of many managers is to argue with the speaker in order to initially put their company in a good light. Under no circumstances should this be done. First, in this way you are arguing that the client is wrong. A good client is always right, otherwise he will not cooperate with you. Secondly, this is the most expected reaction, probably expected by the client himself, and after it, he will most likely quickly end the dialogue not in your favor.

Instead of objecting, it is better for the seller to strongly agree with the potential client. Indeed, the Zarya company puts good windows (most likely it really is) and good people work there (no doubt). And if the customer decides to take windows there, then this will be a good decision. Then you can tell him about the advantages of your company, but leave the choice to the customer.

Active listening methods

Speaking of active listening methods, we are talking about understanding the words of the speaker more than they convey. This is the so-called penetration into the inner world of the speaker, understanding his feelings, emotions and motives.

In everyday life, this method is called empathy, which manifests itself at three levels:

1. Empathy is a manifestation of the same feelings as the interlocutor. If he cries, then you cry with him.
2. Sympathy is an offer of help, seeing the emotional suffering of the interlocutor.
3. Sympathy is a good-natured and positive attitude towards the interlocutor.

Some people are born with an innate empathy, others are forced to learn it. This is possible through I-statements and active listening techniques.

To penetrate the inner world of the interlocutor, Carl Rogers offers the following techniques:

• Continuous fulfillment of obligations.
• Expression of feelings.
• Participation in the inner life of the interlocutor.
• Lack of character roles.

We are talking about empathic listening, when a person not only listens to what is being said to him, but also perceives hidden information, participates in a monologue with simple phrases, expresses appropriate emotions, paraphrases the words of the interlocutor and directs them in the right direction.

Empathic listening involves silence when the interlocutor is allowed to speak. A person must step back from his own thoughts, emotions and desires. He completely focuses on the interests of the interlocutor. Here you should not express your opinion, evaluate the information. To a greater extent, it is about empathy, support, sympathy.

Active listening techniques are covered at psytheater.com:

1. Paraphrasing is retelling meaningful and important phrases in your own words. It helps to hear one's own statements from the side or the meaning that they convey.
2. Echo technique is the repetition of the words of the interlocutor.
3. Summarizing - a brief transfer of the meaning of the information expressed. It looks like conclusions, conclusions of the conversation.
4. Emotional repetition - retelling what was heard with the manifestation of emotions.
5. Clarification - asking questions to clarify what has been said. Indicates that the speaker was listened to and even tried to understand.
6. The logical consequence is an attempt to put forward assumptions about the motives of what was said, the development of the future or situation.
7. Non-reflective listening (attentive silence) - silently listening, delving into the words of the interlocutor, since important information can be overlooked.
8. Non-verbal behavior - establishing eye contact with the interlocutor.
9. Verbal signs - the continuation of the conversation and an indication that you are listening to it: "yes, yes", "continue", "I'm listening to you."
10. Mirror reflection - an expression of the same emotions as the interlocutor.

The ability to listen

During communication, it is important not only to speak expressively, competently, but also to be able to listen to the interlocutor. For mutual understanding with your counterpart, this is of great importance

To be able to listen means to perceive the flow of information from the narrator. The level of human culture will allow you to politely listen to the interlocutor, tactfully refrain from harsh statements, dismissive facial expressions.

The ability to listen depends on the type of personality, intelligence, communication culture, age, gender. Scientists have proven that women are emotional while listening, inattentive, often interrupting the interlocutor with their own stories. Men, on the other hand, are able to listen to the information to the end, mentally looking for ways to solve it.

Many professions are related to the ability to listen. These are sellers, hairdressers, massage therapists, psychologists, doctors, teachers, administrators, consultants. Efficiency and a culture of listening are essential to business communication. There are special techniques that contribute to the perception of information. Active listening will help support the interlocutor, show the significance of his story.

Active listening in sales

The purpose of active listening in sales is to establish trust between the client and the firm.

The customer must be sure that his opinion is important for the company, it will definitely be heard and taken into account

Using active listening techniques, you can control the emotional background of the dialogue, while not putting pressure on the interlocutor and not devaluing his comments and objections.

Active listening helps to better remember information and encourage the interlocutor to more actively express their opinions and emotions. It is believed that active listening was invented to get the client to talk.

In order for the interlocutor to start talking about his needs in the process of active listening, it is necessary to ask him open questions, as well as to encourage his statements in every way with facial expressions, speech, and gestures.

In the process of listening, it is important to be able to distinguish between facts and interpretations of the narrator. Example: in a previous company, a headlight was broken on his car during repairs, they admit it, but do not want to change it (fact)

That company has bad people (interpretation)

Example: in a previous company, a headlight on his car was broken during repairs, they admit it, but do not want to change it (fact). That company employs bad people (interpretation).

It is worth emphasizing the importance of this point. If you are not able to uncritically consider all statements, you will not be able to objectively understand the situation.

After all, it’s not a fact that bad people really work in the company, perhaps there were other significant reasons for refusing service.

Active listening technique

If you are interested in active listening techniques, then you should read Gippenreiter's book "The Miracles of Active Listening", where he notes the most important role of this phenomenon. If people want to establish effective contacts with close and surrounding people, then they should be able not only to speak, but also to listen.

When a person is interested in the topic of a conversation, he usually joins it. He leans or turns to the interlocutor in order to better understand him. This is one of the active listening techniques where a person is interested in hearing and understanding information.

Other factors that affect effective active listening are:

• Eliminate topics that are incomprehensible to the interlocutor. These include accent and speech defects.
• Unconditional acceptance of the opponent. Don't judge what he says.
• Asking questions is a sign of being included in the conversation.

Active listening techniques:

1. "Echo" - repetition of the last words of the interlocutor in an interrogative tone.
2. Paraphrasing - a brief transfer of the essence of what was said: “Did I understand you correctly ...? If I understand you correctly, then…”
3. Interpretation - an assumption about the true intentions and goals of the speaker, based on what he said.

Through active listening, a person empathizes and clarifies information for himself, clarifies and asks questions, and moves the conversation to the right topic. This greatly increases the feeling of self-worth if a person is good at communication techniques.

Eye contact says a lot about what a person is interested in:

• Contact at eye level indicates that a person is interested in the interlocutor and the information that he gives out.
• Looking at the interlocutor speaks more about the interest in the personality of the speaker than about the information that he gives out.
• A glance at the surrounding objects suggests that a person is not interested in either information or the interlocutor himself.

Active listening includes head nods, affirmative exclamations (“Yes”, “I understand you”, etc.). It is not recommended to complete his phrases after a person, even if you understand him. Let him fully and independently express his thought.

An important element of active listening is asking questions. If you are asking questions, then you are listening. Answers help you clarify information, help the other person clarify it, or move on to the right topic.

Notice the emotions of the person. If you talk about what you notice, what emotions he is experiencing, then he is imbued with confidence in you.

What is active listening

Speaking of active listening, it is difficult to convey its full meaning. What it is? Active listening is the perception of someone else's speech, in which there is direct and indirect interaction between the participants in the process. A person, as it were, is included in the process of conversation, he hears and realizes the meaning of the words of the speaker, perceives his speech.

To understand another person, you first need to hear him. How can you communicate and not hear the other person? Many people think this is absurd. In fact, most people's communication is superficial and one-sided. While the interlocutor says something, his opponent at the same time ponders his own thoughts, listens to his feelings that arise in response to the words of the speaker.

If you remember, many will note that at the moment when they hear some unpleasant word, everything that is said after it remains unheard

When a person hears a word that is meaningful to him, he focuses his attention on it. He is emotional, while considering what to say to the interlocutor.

You may not even notice that the conversation has already gone in a different direction.

Listening is called active only because a person does not focus solely on his own experiences and emotions, but perceives the speech that is said by the interlocutor.

Active listening helps:

• Steer the conversation in the right direction.
• Choose questions that will help you get the right answers.
• Correctly and accurately understand the interlocutor.

In a general sense, active listening helps to establish contact with the interlocutor and get the necessary information from him.

Questions for active listening

During the conversation, you should not be distracted, but you should try to understand the essence of the interlocutor's speech. Find out what he wants to say and why. Clarifying questions need to be asked in a timely manner. They will help you quickly understand the interlocutor.

Open questions require a detailed answer. The more there are, the more information will be received. These are the questions “how”, “how”, “how much”, “why”, “what for”.

Closed-ended questions require a short, unambiguous yes or no answer. They should not be abused - they create an atmosphere of interrogation. They are best used at the end of a conversation to find out the state of the interlocutor. Whether it was possible to agree with him, to come to one decision.

Alternative questions consist of two parts. The first part is an open question. The second part is two or more answers. The interlocutor is given the opportunity to choose the desired option.

What is active listening

It is generally accepted that the term "active listening" was coined by psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson - in 1957 they published a work with this title. By active listening, they meant a special technique that should help psychotherapists work with clients, as well as in situations where mediation is required or it is about resolving some kind of conflict. Today, however, it is used in a variety of cases - from communicating with children (remember the famous book "Communicate with a child. How?" by psychologist Julia Gippenreiter) to talking with friends and working negotiations

In general, wherever it is important to understand the interlocutor and be understood in response

Active listening is a way to make communication more meaningful, thoughtful and deep: the interlocutors really try to understand each other and give all their attention only to the conversation. It implies that both closely follow the thread of the conversation, try to understand as best as possible what the other person meant, and, if necessary, clarify whether they understood the other person's thought correctly, for example, by asking again to avoid discrepancies

Often this implies that a person listening to someone else's speech has to think about the subtext of the conversation, and about what, in fact, remains not expressed directly - about the feelings and emotions experienced by his interlocutor. All of them can be expressed indirectly, for example, in intonation and gestures. Naturally, this does not mean that you have to guess the shades of the mood of the interlocutor or interlocutor - but to show empathy, to notice that the person is upset, and asking him about it can be useful.

Active listening exercises

Before you start mastering the technique of active listening, it is worth understanding the basic principles of active perception:

• Give up the habit of interrupting the interlocutor;
• Maintain steady eye contact;
• Answer the question if it suggests an answer, and do not try to look for answers to rhetorical questions;
• Show feedback: support, nod your head, encourage to continue with short phrases;
• Do not prevent the splashing out of unfavorable feelings (in order not to take on the negative, you need to abstract yourself from negative energy for a while and continue communication after a splash of toxic emotions).

After accepting and mastering the principles of AS, you can start training the ability to actively perceive information.

Exercise in pairs

The first exercise is done in pairs, where one person acts as a speaker, the other as a listener. For 5 minutes, the speaker talks about several personal problems with emphasis on their own difficulties. The partner at this time uses all the methods and techniques of active perception. A minute after the end of this part of the exercise, the speaker analyzes the actions of the listener: what helped and what prevented him from talking about himself. For the next 5 minutes, the speaker talks about his successes and achievements, and the listener tries to effectively use the AU techniques, taking into account previous mistakes. Over the next five minutes, the listener retells what he understood and remembered from the monologue, and the speaker reacts to the story only with positive or negative nods of the head. Moreover, with a negative reaction from the speaker, the listener corrects himself. After the end of the first stage of the exercise, the partners repeat the training, only changing roles. At the end of the lesson, they summarize and analyze which role is more difficult: the listener or the speaker.

Active Listening Practice

Exercise "Broken phone"

To complete this task, 5 people are needed: a speaker and 4 listeners. The speaker and the first listener remain in the room. The speaker reads a text describing a certain event, the partner listens attentively and tries to remember the details of the message. After a single reading of the text, the second listener is called, and the text heard by the first listener is recounted to him. The actions are repeated until the last participant hears their version of the text. Then everyone comes together and compares the 4th listener's story with the original.

The exercise shows that people remember information selectively, according to their worldview and life experience.

Mindfulness exercise

The coach divides the group into threes. Each participant is given a short abstract. Within 3 minutes, all partners simultaneously read their texts aloud and try to hear the messages of other rivals. The task of each participant is to hear and remember the information coming from other people as much as possible. As a rule, several times such an exercise turns out to be practically ineffectual, but over time, people learn to isolate the essence among a disparate flow of information.

Thus, the method of active listening is important not only for professionals, but for every person. Active perception of information occurs very often, in almost any dialogue there are elements of AS.

Principles of active perception

Some psychologists equate active listening with empathy. Despite the differences in these concepts, they have quite a lot in common. Indeed, without the ability to empathize, read and feel other people's emotions, it is impossible to find mutual understanding and learn not only to listen, but also to hear a person. This gives him a sense of worth and boosts his self-esteem. Therefore, do not forget about the basic principles of active perception:

• Neutral position. As much as you want, refuse any assessment of the information given by the interlocutor. Only by being calm and a little distant from the problem can you continue the conversation and avoid a possible conflict situation. The speaker will feel that you respect his views and appreciate the opinion expressed.
• Goodwill. This approach creates a trusting relationship between the interlocutors. During the conversation, do not stop looking into the person’s eyes, ask him leading questions in a quiet voice that maintains the created atmosphere, and do not interrupt even the longest speech.
• Sincerity. Don't try active listening unless you really want to understand the person. He, like the conversation itself, should be interesting to you. Bad mood, irritability and resentment can be good reasons to postpone even the most important conversation. Otherwise, none of the active listening techniques will help you. Do not try to replace sincerity with banal politeness. The interlocutor will quickly feel your coldness, and you will not get the desired result.

Remember that you can understand the speaker only when you feel his emotional background, but concentrate on the words spoken. If you allow yourself to be completely and completely immersed in other people's emotions, then most likely you will miss the point of the conversation.

How to listen more actively

Manuals for professionals who have to interact a lot with people indicate that active listening involves up to twenty different skills and abilities - from the general “be as open, empathic and seek to understand yourself and others as much as possible” to the more specific “avoid vague , fuzzy and ambiguous statements. Of course, it will take a lot of time and effort to master all twenty, and not everyone needs them. The good news is that for everyday communication, a few simple tricks are enough.

The first and most important recommendation that is usually given when talking about active listening is to actually focus on the conversation, removing all distractions (no conversations in parallel with instagram, work chats or scrolling through a magazine)

Eye contact helps to maintain attention for many, but it is not necessary to fix on it too much - after all, a person can, for example, be shy, and listening carefully to other people's words is much more important than just silently looking at the other. You can show the interlocutor from time to time that you are still following everything carefully - for example, with a nod or a short “yeah”

It’s not worth the interlocutor - yes, so you are more likely to express everything that you were going to, but you are unlikely to find out what the other was trying to say - and the task of any dialogue is also this. In the same way, don't think about what you'll say in response while your interlocutor is talking - you may come up with a great line, but you may lose the thread of the conversation or respond at all to what your interlocutor is saying.

The second important principle of active listening is not to try to predict what the other person is thinking or trying to say, and not to jump to conclusions. The main task of active listening is to remove inconsistencies between what your interlocutor says and how you understand him. This is not easy and requires effort - but there are several ways to help you deal with it. For example, you can summarize or clarify what the interlocutor said (“Do I understand correctly that ...”, “Do you mean ...”, and so on). It is better to do this before you express your own opinion - just to be sure that you are talking about the same thing. You can try to understand the feelings that are behind certain words of the interlocutor - by intonation, gestures and posture - or directly ask about it (“You must be very scared right now?”, “I would be sad if I were you”). Perhaps, by understanding other people's emotions, it will also be easier to understand what exactly he or she is trying to tell you.

It is important that all these techniques must be used sincerely - if you are not at all interested in the interlocutor, even a perfectly accurate retelling of his words will look just as distant. In the end, the key to a better conversation is a sincere interest in who you are talking to, then it will be much easier not to lose the thread of the conversation.

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Active Listening Examples

A person came to a travel company in order to purchase a ticket. In the process of active listening, we get maximum information about the client: profession, character, hobbies, etc. We find out what he wants from his vacation: just lie on the beach or excursions and walks, for how long he wants to go, to which country and which one he has budget.

The more details you can find out during the dialogue, the higher the likelihood that the customer will be satisfied.

Second example. The girl came to the beautician

Here, active listening is especially important: the client's attitude to herself, to her appearance is gently clarified. What does she like about her appearance, what not so much

After supporting the interlocutor and collecting as much information as possible, you can begin to discuss the types and costs of procedures, constantly clarifying whether they are suitable for the interlocutor. You have to be attentive to the feelings of the client: for some, a small scar or scar is a trifle, but for some it is a whole tragedy.

Third example. A man came to buy a laptop. We find out its budget, the purpose of the purchase, for which it will be used first of all - surfing the Internet, work, computer games. Thus, the best option in terms of price and quality ratio will certainly be selected.

Good managers will be able to quickly win over the client and offer him exactly what he needs. Thus, cooperation will be useful and beneficial for all.

Active listening methods

Active listening is divided into two parts:

• verbal;
• non-verbal.

Non-verbal listening techniques:

• pronunciation of exclamations and sounds;
• the use of approving gestures (head tilt, nod, hand gestures);
• the use of an open posture (avoid crossed arms and legs);
• constant eye contact with the interlocutor (look into the eyes);
• mirroring the partner's postures (you can repeat some of his movements, but you need to make sure that it looks natural, as if you are on the same wavelength).

Verbal listening methods:

Dialogue example.

• Can I buy yellow diaries from you?
• Buy yellow diaries? Do you need dates or not?
• Yes, dated!
• There are dated ones!

In such a dialogue, the repetition of part of the interlocutor’s phrase does not look inappropriate, because we focus on exactly what is needed and clarify the needs of the client

This is always important for him, and he will certainly appreciate that we were able to present the desired product.

Listening is a receptive type of speech activity, with the help of which the process of receiving and subsequent processing of a speech message is realized based on the functioning of the auditory analyzer.

Just like speaking, listening refers to the types of speech activity that carry out oral communication in any situations and areas of communication. Therefore, communication is effective only if an absolute mutual understanding is achieved.

To create a situation that can be called communicative-speech, the presence of a listener is necessary. The speaker-listener pair is a prerequisite for this situation.

The purpose of listening is realized in the subject of activity and consists in identifying semantic connections, understanding the speech message received by ear, produced by the speaker, in understanding and restoring this thought.

The subject content of someone else's thought in listening is revealed on the basis of probabilistic forecasting, through an analysis of the semantic connections of the statement and their subsequent synthesis.

A meaningful decision is called a unit of listening, usually preceding actions in feedback.

The mechanisms of listening are the general functional mechanisms of memory, the mechanisms of advanced reflection, etc.

The product of listening is a conclusion to which a person comes in the process of listening and based on the results of internal comprehension of someone else's thoughts, choice (selection), identification of semantic connections, intra-conceptual correspondences.

Comprehension is the process of revealing and creating semantic relationships between the identified concepts, words. The result of comprehension can be either positive (understanding) or negative (misunderstanding).

Like all types of speech activity, listening is motivated by tasks, psychological attitudes, and the needs of the listener. Needs, motives for obtaining specific information are interconnected with the conditions of the field of activity, the situation in which a person is surrounded.

Listening actively and purposefully to others is essential for rapport. But hearing and listening are not the same thing. To hear means to perceive the sound physically, while to listen means to focus on what is perceived, to understand the meaning of the sounds received.

The ability to listen is a necessary condition for an accurate understanding of the position of the accomplice. Listening skills include:

• perception of information from speakers, in which the participant restrains his emotions;
• a slight influence on the speaker, which helps to develop the speaker's thoughts;
• an encouraging attitude towards the speaker, which helps him to continue communication.

Listening style depends on the following factors:

• social status,
• gender, age,
• personality,
• character and interests
• specific situation
• role played among the participants in the communication.

Many participants in the conversation often listen inattentively to their interlocutor, paying more attention to their own thoughts, the reason for which is the statements of the interlocutor.

Listening levels

Consider 3 levels of listening.

Level 1 - "Listening - empathy."

At this level, listeners refrain from judging the speaker, as if putting themselves in his place. This level is characterized by:

• ignoring one's own feelings, interests and thoughts - attention is directed only to the process of listening;
• the presence of a sense of respect for the speaker, a sense of contact with him;
• a sense of presence at a given time in a given place;
• concentration of attention on the manner of communication of the speaker, empathy with his thoughts and feelings;
• concentration on incoming information.

Level 2 - "We hear the words, but we don't really listen."

At this level, the interlocutors do not try to understand the information received, do not perceive the full depth of what was said. Listeners try to listen logically, while focusing more on the essence of the information received than on the feelings experienced, while remaining emotionally detached from the communication process. In this case, the speaker may have a false idea that he is understood and listened to.

Level 3 - "Hearing with a temporary shutdown."

During the interaction, the listener, as it were, listens to the other side and does not listen, while understanding what is happening, but focuses only on himself. The listening process at this level is passive, and the reaction to statements is reduced.

1. Pseudo-listening, or turning off attention:

• extraneous thoughts;
• drawings.

2. Selective Evaluation Hearing- lack of desire to hear what they say, messages are filtered, the listener "hears what he wants to hear":

• bias;
• sorting out;
• stereotypes;
• making an assessment.

Active listening

Active listening is a conscious effort and desire to understand the emotional and content parts of the utterance. The signals and intentions of the non-verbal message are taken into account:

• clarification of understanding;
• showing attention;
• summarizing what was heard;
• manifestation of acceptance of the feelings of the interlocutor.

Active listening allows you to:

• to the interlocutor - to remove negative emotions and speak out;
• you - to understand the problem, to collect as much information as possible;
• together - to come to a common understanding of the situation, the problem and the context of the conversation.

Active listening techniques:
1) silence:

• don't pretend to listen;
• stop talking;
• have a goal to hear;

2) assent - "uh-huh";

3) repetition of part of the statement of the interlocutor - "echo";

5) clarification - "You mean ...", "... don't you?";

4) motivation - "understandable", "I'm listening", "how interesting";

6) paraphrase:

• So you think that...;
• Did I understand you correctly...;
• Is that how I heard you...;
• If you don't mind, I'll clarify...;

7) questions - "when?", "what?", "where?", "why?", "why?";

8) emotional reactions:

• When you started talking about the importance of quality to you, a story came to my mind about a study that is devoted to this issue ...;
• I would be upset too if I were you;

9) similarity:

• I am very pleased that our opinions coincide with you ...;
• A similar situation happened to me...;

10) Summary:

• Based on your words, it can be argued that ...;
• Let's sum up our discussion with you...;
• Summarizing all of the above, you can say ....

Table 1 - Active listening algorithm

Stages	Actions
1.Non-verbal support of the interlocutor	Nods, eye contact, "Uh-huh", "yeah-yeah", "listening posture", "of course"
2. The phrase of attributing responsibility for the statement to the partner	So your doubts are... You say (believe, think) that... So you're claiming... So your principles say that... Your opinion can be reduced to the following... Your words are... You put it this way...
3. Formulation of the content of the statement	At this stage, it is necessary to try to completely free yourself from your own assessments, emotions, to postpone them for a while
4. Obtaining the consent of the interlocutor with the fidelity of your interpretation of his thought	I did not confuse anything? Did I understand correctly? If the partner doubts or disagrees, it is necessary to rephrase again until there is complete understanding.

Types of hearing (according to Kelly)

Kelly, an American communication researcher, identifies 4 types of listening:

• empathic listening;
• non-reflective listening;
• active reflective listening;
• directed critical listening.

Empathic listening. In this type of listening, the participant pays attention to "reading" feelings rather than words, and also understanding how the listener feels about what he is saying. There are two types of empathic listening:

• effective if the speaker evokes positive emotions in the listener (self-confidence, joy, satisfaction, pleasure, etc.),
• ineffective if the speaker evokes negative emotions in his own words (sadness, fear, anxiety, disappointment, chagrin, hopelessness, etc.)

Non-reflective listening. Assumes maximum concentration on the speech of the interlocutor with minimal interference in speech. The ability to be attentively silent, not to interfere with one's comments, and at the same time to demonstrate one's support and goodwill, for the speaker facilitates the process of self-expression and helps the listener to better understand the meaning of the transmitted information. This type of hearing is useful in situations where:

• the interlocutor is not self-confident, shy, it is difficult for him to communicate;
• the interlocutor asks to listen to him to the very end;
• the partner wants to express his attitude to something, his point of view;
• it is difficult for the interlocutor to express in words what worries him, and any intrusion into the conversation creates even greater difficulties;
• the interlocutor needs to discuss issues important to him and at the same time experiences negative emotions (feels dissatisfied, worried, offended).

With non-reflexive listening, it is necessary to give signals that show the interlocutor your involvement in the conversation and attention, such as: nodding your head “I understand”, “yes-yes”, etc. Sometimes it's easy enough to listen to your partner, but if your opinion differs significantly from your partner's, then you need to move on to reflective listening.

Active reflective listening. With this type of listening, such a process of organizing communication is carried out, in which the participants in the conversation understand each other better. Everyone speaks out more meaningfully, clarifies and checks their understanding, and jointly find out the degree of its adequacy.

With this type of listening, active feedback is established, allowing the interlocutors to understand each other better. In order to ensure understanding, the listener needs to make it clear to the speaker which of his information is received accurately and which is not, so that the speaker can correct his message and make this message even more understandable. It is this exchange of direct and feedback signals that is the process of active reflective listening.

Directed critical listening. In this type of listening, the interlocutors first conduct a critical analysis of the message and then make an attempt to understand it. In some situations, it is quite appropriate (at business conferences, discussions, meetings, etc., that is, where ideas, solutions, new experiences, projects, etc. are discussed) Where the process of discussing new information takes place, new knowledge is communicated - informational reports, a seminar, lectures, etc. - critical listening is unpromising.

Difficulties in effective listening (according to A.P. Panfilova)

A.P. Panfilova identified the following difficulties in effective listening:

• High speed of mental activity. On average, we think 4 times faster than we talk. Therefore, when someone speaks, our brain is distracted from the speaker's speech and is free most of the time from working on the perception of incoming information.
• The need for a response. If the speech of the interlocutor forms a desire to answer and interrupt him, the person stops listening to him, as he mentally searches for arguments for his own objection.
• Turn off attention. Anything that irritates and acts unusually can divert the attention of the interlocutor.
• Antipathy to other people's thoughts. Each person always appreciates his own thoughts more, and it is easier and more pleasant for him to track them than to follow the reasoning of the interlocutor.
• Selective attention. We are accustomed to simultaneously perceive (including listen to) a large amount of information, while not paying equal attention to different objects of perception (facial expressions, words, intonations, postures, gestures, etc.). For many people, it is quite a difficult process to listen carefully and record something else at the same time, so people often choose what is of greatest interest to them. Such switching of attention makes it difficult for him to fix and concentrate on one thing.

External interference to hearing are:

• distracting appearance of the interlocutor, manners (inadequacy of facial expressions, gestures, affectation, etc.);
• the interlocutor does not speak very loudly;
• bad acoustics;
• external noise interference (roar, traffic noise, etc.);
• too low or too high room temperature;
• environment (showcases in the room, landscape outside the window, paintings);
• interrupting the conversation with phone calls, etc.;
• diverting the attention of the interlocutor to extraneous objects that are not significant for the result of the conversation (for example, glancing at the clock);
• the need to do several things at once, excessive workload;
• monotony of speech, accent of the speaker, variable slow or fast pace of speech;
• conciseness in communication time;
• bad smell in the room.

You can also add the following reasons for inattentive listening:

• emotional imbalance - because we are completely occupied with our internal emotional experiences and do not control ourselves;
• preoccupation with our own thoughts - not only because we are not interested in the subject of conversation, but also because we are busy with our own thoughts;
• grading what has been said - because we are very busy evaluating the statements of the interlocutor and consider ourselves smarter than the rest;
• wounded pride - because it is unpleasant to listen to information that we perceive as a wound to our authority. Instead of listening to the information, we prepare the defense at once;
• not mastering the technique of listening - because we do not know how to listen.
• loss of attentiveness to loved ones - we often do not listen to those who are dearest and closest to us.

In order for the communication process to be effective, you need to remember 2 simple rules:

• people tend to listen to another only after they have listened to them,
• the best interlocutor is not the one who knows how to speak well and beautifully, but the one who knows how to listen;

To be a good listener, you need to follow these guidelines:

• Show what you want to listen to. Try to listen more in order to understand better, not to answer better. Look interested.
• Stop talking. We only have one mouth to speak and two ears to listen. Therefore, we should listen twice as much.
• Minimize distractions. Do not tap with your fingers or pen, do not rustle paper, do not draw anything on paper. Choose a place where you will not be disturbed Turn off your phone. Attention is a great value.
• Create conditions. Help the speaker to feel that he can speak, create comfortable conditions for the speaker.
• Put yourself in the place of the speaker. Try to listen to understand the speaker's point of view.
• Be careful with criticism and reasoning. Criticism puts the speaker on the defensive. And even if you win in arguments, you will still lose the speaker.
• To ask questions. This encourages the interlocutor and shows that you are really listening.
• Be patient. Find enough time not to interrupt the speaker.
• Hold on to your emotions. A person in a bad mood often misinterprets words.

During business conversations, at negotiations it is very important to be an attentive listener. This will help you reach an understanding with your interlocutor. Use the following recommendations:

• Listen, in order to identify key ideas. For effective interaction, it is necessary to understand the partner's goals and true intentions. Determine what your interlocutor needs - a mandatory "victory", or is a compromise still possible? When it is enough for the interlocutor not to lose, he agrees to a compromise. In these cases, it is possible to find a solution that is acceptable to both parties.
• Listen, in order to identify keywords. Every negotiation has basic elements: quantities, prices, terms of payment, terms, etc. Listen to your partner carefully. You need to understand what exactly he is counting on. Focus on facts.
• Listen, in order to find room to maneuver.
• Listen, in order to identify bottlenecks. Does your partner have the right to make decisions? Does he have financial problems? Is it time limited? Maybe he needs to follow the instructions strictly? Will you have access to his manual if necessary?
• Watch out for signs that will give you a signal that you can negotiate, when, for example, the partner begins to change his mind or consider a new business proposal. Make your vision more acceptable to your partner.
• Listen, in order to identify contradictions. Attention to the details that are set out by your partner will make it possible to more accurately identify his position. Find contradictions in his opinion, look for weaknesses, focus on the necessary details. As soon as you notice confusion, embarrassment, hesitation, offer a different approach.

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