Text: Maria Akhvlediani-Magront
Today the demand for education, good manners, education, erudition, decency is returning. The princesses of the Trubetskoy family, representatives of different generations - Ekaterina Alekseevna and her daughter-in-law Elena Alekseevna shared their thoughts on literature and values in a conversation with Maria Akhvlediani-Magront.
Living with an open heart is painful, but it's such a pleasure!
“Once my parents had the honor of hosting Archbishop Niphon of Philippopolis. And when in a conversation I told him about my friendship with my future husband, he asked me just one question: "Does he know how to love?"
Elena Alekseevna Trubetskaya (nee Garetovskaya) was born in Moscow.
She studied at the Humanitarian-Economic Gymnasium No. 1529 with in-depth study of the English language.
She was engaged in dancing at the House of Scientists.
In 2003 she entered the Faculty of International Economic Relations of the Financial University under the Government of the Russian Federation.
A special source of pride: she studied at the institute from the textbooks of her grandfather - Nikolai Viktorovich Garetovsky, Doctor of Economics (served as Chairman of the State Bank of the USSR 1987-1989).
After graduating from the University, she worked for a large international company, Jones Lang LaSalle, as a consultant in the Financial Markets and Investments department.
In 2014, she was appointed Head of Development Projects at Leroy Merlin.
Elena, in your opinion, what qualities should a modern woman have in order to be considered an example to follow?
A modern woman should have an impeccable sense of her own dignity, not depend on the opinions of others, be modest, restrained and elegantly dressed. This is a whole person who understands where her family, roots and faith are. A woman should not forget that her true destiny is to start a family, support her husband and raise children. For me now, a striking example to follow is my mother-in-law, Princess Ekaterina Alekseevna Trubetskaya, beautiful, energetic, sophisticated. Not only her husband and four children can rely on her strength of character, intelligence and warmth of life, but also the environment of the family meets in her care and attentive attitude. One example: every year, on the feast of the Nativity of Christ, Ekaterina Alekseevna takes over the organization of a large event in her home in Paris - 50-100 people of relatives and friends gather. And he prepares a little present for everyone. True happiness is that it is not you who builds your own personal success, but that each member of your family is revealed and realized in life as fully as possible.
Upbringing takes place only in the family. The child observes the parents, how they communicate, how they treat their parents and friends. Parental value orientations are inherited by children almost automatically. They say correctly: do not bring up a child - educate yourself better.
- You can name your strengths character? How did they form?
At the institute, at one of the seminars on Psychology, we had a game where we asked each other the same question. And I made my classmates laugh, putting in the first place - "well brought up." I really think this is the strongest competitive advantage. Further - perseverance, friendliness.
- What literature has influenced you? Why?
I liked different books in different periods of my life. But none of them became desktop. From modern literature at different times I read with interest Lyudmila Ulitskaya and Milana Kundera. Now I have a period of passion for spiritual literature.
What are some of the must-read books for today's girls? (From the classics and from the present)
I always have a need to read something very strong in order to warm my soul. Fiction does not provide relief from unpleasant thoughts. I would highly recommend reading Bishop Tikhon Shevkunov's bestselling book "Unholy Saints". This is the story of a man with a huge heart and an all-consuming love for people and life. And I advise it to everyone: believers, unbelievers, seekers. She is about everything, and there is a lot of warmth in her, which is so necessary for each of us.
For those who do not have time to read, but their soul requires, my dad and I love to turn on and listen to the famous theologian Alexei Osipov on youtube.
- Elena, what qualities would you call obligatory for a man?
Ability to make decisions, decency, generosity, courage. This is required, but not all. Once my parents had the honor of hosting Archbishop Niphon of Philippopolis. And when in a conversation I told him about my friendship with my future husband, he asked only one question: "Does he know how to love?"
- What would you never forgive your friends?
“Before judging someone, take his shoes and walk his path, taste his tears, feel his pain. Bump into every stone he tripped over. And only after that tell him that you know how to live the right way, ”- I try to keep this phrase in my head. I try to feel sorry for people. Therefore, so categorically "never forgiven" - there is no point in talking. You will still need to forgive. This is important not for him, but for you, because offense is a poison that you, first of all, drink yourself.
If we analyze the moral qualities of people of the XX and XXI centuries, can we say that the values and mores of people have undergone changes?
I don’t think they have changed much. As people were drawn to kindness, decency, talent - and now it is in the price. No one will choose an evil, unprincipled, uncultured life partner or friend. “How merciful fate! She tries to unite people of one mind, one taste, one disposition. "
- What values (spiritual, material) do you consider obsolete, outdated?
Family and moral values do not change, but people do, succumbing to the spirit of the times. What is fashionable today in modern society? For example, poorly concealed cynicism. Now it is customary both in the company of colleagues and on TV shows to talk about death, human tragedies, about illnesses, misfortunes jokingly, with mockery, somehow cold. This is a kind of consequence of the fact that life is hard enough, and reality is cruel, a kind of defensive reaction of a person to what he cannot cope with. But a person who chooses cynicism for himself as a form of relationship with reality loses a lot, because the soul really becomes callous. And then you do not experience the joy that you could experience, you cannot love the way you could love, you cannot laugh the way you could, you put yourself in a vacuum - spiritual, mental, because few people are interested in pricking about these sharp needles. Living with an open heart hurts, but it's such a pleasure!
Please give an example of what manners and gestures can you use to distinguish a well-mannered girl, a lady, from an ill-mannered one?
Pushkin gave an exhaustive answer on how a lady should behave Du comme il faut. Remember Tatiana in Eugene Onegin?
She was leisurely
Not cold, not talkative,
Without an insolent gaze for all,
No claim to success
Without these little antics
Without imitative undertakings ...
Everything is quiet, it was just in her.
Please give an example of what manners and gestures can you use to distinguish an educated young man, a man from an ill-mannered one?
Of course, in his relation to elders and women. It should be respectful and considerate.
When they write a business letter or even sms illiterately. Not because of ignorance of spelling and punctuation, but simply because of laziness, negligence. For me, this is a sign that a person does not respect himself.
-What human act could turn you away from him forever?
I do not like it when human dignity is humiliated, especially when a person cannot answer.
- “At first glance” it is difficult to be objective. My husband loves to tell the story that has already become a family story, what an unpleasant impression he made on me at the beginning of our acquaintance. He really seemed to me to be a very arrogant (fr. - arrogant) person. We met in 2010 during a sea voyage dedicated to the 90th anniversary of the exodus of the Russian army from Crimea. On the ship, I could watch him every day on the podium at conferences or standing under the banner of the White Guard at a memorial service for dead soldiers. He greeted, but was not kind, did not smile, did not try to speak. But one day, at one of the youth parties, Vladimir, opening champagne like a hussar, poured it over the deck, apologized, promising to personally wash it. Well, you never know what a person will say in an awkward situation .... Imagine my surprise when an hour later I met our handsome man in a white shirt and fashionable trousers with a mop and a bucket .... and with a wide smile on his face.
- Who are your favorite literary heroes? Why?
Perhaps, I do not have a role model among literary heroes. Rather, I identify myself with the lyric hero in poems, depending on my mood.
I think they will exist in parallel. Reading a book one-on-one, flipping through the pages and noting your favorite places is a luxury that is increasingly difficult to afford.
- What was the name of the first book you read
Probably, these were poems by Chukovsky and Pushkin's tales.
Today, many schools have sprung up that teach manners, etiquette, and feminine tricks. In your opinion, what is the difference between a girl of uneasy origin and one who has mastered manners? Can you give examples?
For example, Prince Nikita Dmitrievich Lobanov-Rostovsky, with whom the Trubetskoy family is friendly, believes that he is definitely different. “The aristocrat,” he says, “has a different consciousness, different values, different manners and good taste". He has big claims on all counts to the majority of the representatives of the current Russian elite. I'm not so categorical. I think it's very good when girls are taught good manners. This will definitely bear fruit.
- What manners of young people do you consider unacceptable?
A man must fight laziness, infantilism, irresponsibility, selfishness, weakness, cowardice. A real man should not follow his passions, instincts, desires.
-What is customary to talk about at modern parties, or what is it fashionable to call them today, "get-togethers"?
Of course, now at all events, the number one topic is children. It's incredibly nice to see a new trend - young dads, standing with glasses of strong drinks, proudly tell each other about the new achievements of their kids, sleepless nights and family walks.
- Elena, if you were offered to take only two books with you on a trip, what kind of books would they be?
- "War and Peace" is a comprehensive philosophical book.
"Gone with the Wind" is always a guaranteed dose of optimism and advice for all times - "think about it tomorrow."
I think it's great if a person changes. Changing means learning and rethinking. For me, studying is one of the greatest values in life: I get real pleasure from the process itself and the atmosphere around. And I love it when the people around me learn. At the same time, I admit that a person has the right to his stable opinion. Perhaps it will lead him to his goal, or he has suffered this right. It happens.
- In your opinion, what literary works are lacking in Russia today?
My five-year-old nephew lacks books about children of his age, about how to build relationships with adults: parents, teachers, with peers. The eternal theme: What is good and what is bad. But he is interested in the fact that the children in fairy tales speak in a language that is familiar to him and that they have similar problems. Every night before going to bed, he asks the grandmother to tell a story on a given topic. In fairy tales, two brothers are constantly present: one is positive in all respects, and with the second something constantly happens. This second one is educational material for our Alyoshka. I hope such books will appear.
- Continue the phrase "The princess will not allow herself ..."
The princess will never allow herself to boast of her title. I am not a princess by blood. When I entered the Trubetskoy family, I was solemnly presented with a seal with the Trubetskoy coat of arms and told that the title of princess must be earned. The princess is an honorable duty to be the best in everything, to help those in need, to direct her skills and talents for the good and prosperity of the family, clan and Fatherland. Serving and laboring to prove this title again and again.
Princess Ekaterina Alekseevna Trubetskaya (nee Niberidze) was born into an immigrant family in the south of France. She was raised in close family circle, in which the love for the historical homeland was conveyed. When she got older, she moved to Paris to study French literature at the Sorbonne. She lived with her beloved aunt, nee Princess Amilakhvari, who taught young Catherine how to behave in society. She herself spent her childhood at the Imperial Court. Her family especially had a glimpse of the Empress, Maria Feodorovna, who became her godmother.
Later, Ekaterina Niberidze married Alexander Trubetskoy, they had four children - three sons and a daughter.
- Ekaterina Alekseevna, in your opinion, what qualities should a real woman and a real man have?
Qualities of a woman: Kindness, respect for people and parents, culture, loyalty, being a good wife and mother, combining work with raising children, which is quite difficult. Qualities of a man: the same, plus responsibility for the family, support for the wife in raising children, especially in spiritual life
- How are these qualities brought up?
Qualities are achieved through the upbringing received, but with personal enrichment throughout life.
-Can you name your strengths of character? How did they form?
Character is formed through contact with people, the desire to understand before judging, which does not exclude strict thinking and often exactingness towards others. It was formed in an emigration environment in which communication played an important role in spite of difficult material conditions. Spiritual and cultural life was a priority.
- What literature has influenced you, why? What can you recommend to readers?
Living in France most of all I had to study French classics. In general, everyone has their own preferences and therefore I can convincingly recommend reading as much Russian and foreign literature as possible. At the present time, I carry with me everywhere and reread the diary of Empress Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova, which, in the most difficult period of my life in 1917, encourages people to give love.
- Ekaterina Alekseevna, what qualities do you value in men, in women?
The quality of a man for me is to be a good husband and father, responsible, honest and possessing sufficient humor. The quality of a woman is family, to be a good housewife and to be a support for her husband and children.
- What would you never forgive your friend?
I do not forgive treason, lies and injustice
- In your opinion, we can say that the customs of the XXI century, computer technologies have changed the values of people?
Modern technology has certainly influenced family and social life. Many values are lost. There are also positive aspects: the ability to learn a lot on the Internet. We must still fight to ensure that cultural, spiritual values are not lost, otherwise a person without communication will go into some kind of selfish life.
- Please give an example of what manners and gestures you can use to distinguish a well-mannered person?
Good manners are always appreciated: say hello, say goodbye, say "please" and "thank you." Make way for public transport. It is correct to keep yourself in society, at the table, to avoid using a mobile phone in front of others. Do not be rude, do not interrupt the conversation, etc.
- What annoys you about people?
Annoying stupidity, arrogance, interference in other people's affairs.
- What act of a person could turn you away from him forever?
Self-worth should not be transformed into arrogance
There is an opinion that the printed book is living out its day, because many began to read electronic versions of books, what is your forecast?
In general, the younger generation reads less despite the electronic possibilities. This is a pity.
- What was the name of the first book you read?
Sophia's misfortune (this is what all children read in their youth in France - by Countess de Segur, born Rostopchina)
Today, many schools have sprung up that teach manners, etiquette, and feminine tricks. In your opinion, what is the difference between a girl of uneasy origin and one who has mastered manners? Can you give examples?
One can welcome the emergence of such schools, which should smooth out in the future the attitudes towards the secular life of young people of the most varied upbringing. In general, this topic is very relevant and several years ago there was even a TV program in France in which young people of various origins were connected.
You live in France, often visit Russia, can you formulate the difference in the information needs of an average Russian and a Frenchman? Where are people more concerned with politics? Culture? Your own well-being?
In France, there is less and less interest in culture. Spiritual values are lost. The French are more concerned with their own well-being, the respect of the young for the elders is being lost. The Russians have better preserved family and spiritual values.
- In France, what is customary and what is forbidden to talk about in society?
In France, you can talk about everything except salary. The dictatorship of thinking, what is called political correctness, is also very strongly influenced.
- Is there such unspoken etiquette in Russia?
In Russia for me there is less aggressiveness, less selfishness, freedom to wear a cross on my chest (in France they can attack you for this)….
I had the opportunity to observe your busy schedule of staying in Russia on February 18 and 19, please tell me, coming to Russia, do you have time to rest? How do your days usually go?
A dense life in Russia is associated with a short stay, during which you need to have time to stay with your family, go to a concert and other cultural events with friends. And on Sundays and holidays, get to the service.
If possible, please tell us how your usual day goes, I'm not asking for details of meetings, just the schedule of getting up, meetings, visits, if you pay attention to walks, business - this so that the reader can form an idea of your life schedule.
The schedule is very different. Household chores, accompany my husband to cultural events, accompany him when possible on his business trips, walk around the city (for example, I like to go to Red Square)
How do you think, how should young people be educated so that the events of the Red Terror of 1917 never happen again?
The centenary of the Revolution should allow everyone to comprehend what happened, to comprehend that even now there are external forces that want to make color revolutions in Russia. We must all comprehend this in order to look at our history with repentance. His Holiness Patriarch Tikhon called for Repentance.
- In your opinion, tough measures and restrictions lead to the expected results or vice versa?
Tough measures are necessary and do not contradict freedom and democracy at all. If there were sufficiently tough measures, there would be no revolution in Russia.
Now in Russia there are heated debates over the quality of education, it is better to preserve the Bologna system (tests, the Unified State Exam in the form of tests, the bachelor's and master's system instead of the usual Soviet university system of specialty, when training lasted 5 years) or return to the Soviet version of education with compulsory essays, examinations on tickets, etc., in your opinion, what is the strength and what is the weakness of today's education in our country?
It is very difficult for me to judge the quality of education in Russia. I will say that in France everything is done in order to simplify education, and this gives rise to completely uncultured youth.
- In your opinion, what literary works are lacking in Russia today? In France?
- Continue, please, the phrase: "Prince, princess will never allow herself ..."
We have inherited a notable surname in history. We will not say what we should or should not do or say. Anyone should behave themselves decently. We were taught that no matter what surname we were born with, each of us must again deserve by our behavior and upbringing the right to bear this surname. This is how we bring up our children and now our grandchildren.
- Thank you for the conversation.
Photos courtesy of the Trubetskoy Princes from the personal archive.
High society girl
She had everything: money, prestigious schools and universities, big house, beauty and fans. But everything changed overnight. She had to survive in this difficult and cruel world ...
The mirror reflected the figure of a brunette in a defiantly expensive dress. The girl looked at her reflection admiringly and turned to her friend.
-Christina, thanks! This is not a dress, but a dream!
The blonde shook her shock of hair and laughed indulgently.
- Lucky for you, Jackdaw. Three times!
-Why three times?
- Firstly, you and I have the same size, and secondly, I'm tired of this dress ... - Christina went to the mirror and admired her reflection. -And thirdly, you are terribly lucky that I am friends with you. Appreciate and be grateful!
Galya nodded, not taking her ingratiating glance from her friend.
Christina chuckled. Boring this Jackdaw, gray mouse, stupid and venal. Of course, Christina had other girlfriends equal to her in status, but she liked to communicate with Galka. It's so nice to feel like a queen in everything against her dull background.
Father spoiled
From early childhood, Christina knew that nothing in the world was impossible for her. Rather, for her father, an influential businessman. He was always busy, so he fulfilled any whim of his daughter, as if paying off for a lack of parental attention. Christina's mother died a long time ago, her father never married again, so no one bothered him to pamper his little princess.
After graduating from the gymnasium, her father placed Christina at a prestigious university, but she did not study for long. At first, she had to enjoy teasing fellow students with expensive outfits and shining at student parties. But parties were rare, and interest in Christina faded over time. She became bored with all these lectures and tests, and she dropped out of school with a light heart. The father chided gently and again put his daughter in, now at another university. But Christina did not stay there either. Why study if there is a daddy who will not allow his daughter to hunchback at a boring job for a pittance?
Christina spent her free time with girls from her circle. During the day they sat in trendy cafes, went shopping and in elite sports clubs or beauty salons, and lit up in the club at night. When Christina wanted to feel like a generous queen, she packed her boring outfits in a bag and drove to Galka. A friend lived in a residential area inhabited by simple hard workers, and the arrival of a rich beauty invariably made a splash among the local residents. Christina walked to the entrance, stepping carefully with her heels along the dirty path and wrinkling her nose with disgust. With all her appearance, she showed that only severe necessity forced her to come to such a terrible place. In fact, she was pleased to catch envious glances on herself and feel like a diamond in a junkyard.
Galya always met her friend with a smile. Sometimes Christina asked herself - is she happy about her arrival, or is she just longing for new things that she cannot afford? However, she did not really think about it. It was much more pleasant to see Galia's enthusiasm and hear her compliments.
Betrayal
Once Christina, as usual with full packages, came to her friend. But Galya that day was not like herself - she smiled thoughtfully and answered inappropriately. Even a fashionable Italian bag did not delight her. Christina got angry and wanted to leave, but Galya, as if recollecting herself, apologized. And then, a little hesitated, she confessed - she fell in love. Christina even clapped her hands at the amazing news. Jackdaw fell in love! I wonder who this prince is?
-He is a simple car mechanic, - explained Galya, turning slightly pink with embarrassment. -But he's so ... extraordinary!
Christina wanted to meet this guy immediately, and she immediately scheduled a trip to a restaurant for the evening.
“Valera doesn't have that much money,” Galya tried to refuse.
But Christina brushed it off: they say, money is not a problem. And she hurried - before the evening she still had to be in time to the beauty salon.
Valera turned out to be a nice guy who I wanted to look at without stopping. He was so amusingly embarrassed looking at the prices on the restaurant menu. Jackdaw clung to his shoulder, funny and frankly jealous. And Christina had fun from the heart. She laughed, baring her pearly teeth and throwing her ashy mane of hair behind her back, telling jokes and dancing, showing off her flexible figure. Late in the evening, she called a taxi, the three of them loaded into the car, and Christina confidently named Galkin the address - first you need to take her friend ... In general, it turned out to be the simplest thing to beat off Valera, Christina was even disappointed with such a quick victory. From that day on, the guy became her faithful slave, whom she paid with indulgent love and beautiful gifts. Valera very quickly fell in love with expensive watches, shirts and fashionable jackets from boutiques.
Of course, this led to a quarrel with Galya, and she declared that she hated Christina, even slammed the door in her face.
-What's wrong with you? Because of some locksmith ... - Christina was insincerely surprised, tossing bags of clothes in front of her friend's door. - Ungrateful!
It was a little sorry to lose an old friend, but Christina did not worry for long. Never mind, she will come running herself when she gets tired of being offended and wants new clothes. Everything is fine, life goes on, and dad promised a new car for his 25th birthday.
The collapse of all hopes
Trouble always comes when you don't expect it. On an ordinary day, similar to thousands of others, Christine received a call and was informed that her father had died in a car accident. He did not live to see his daughter's birthday for two days ...
After the funeral, Christina, swollen from tears, returned to the mansion, hoping for help and support from her loved ones. The friends sat with her for a while and left, only Valera and her father's business partner remained.
-Christina, I would not talk to you on such an unpleasant topic now, but time is running out, - said the man, clearing his throat. “You must leave this house without waiting for the bailiffs. Your father hardly told you, but shortly before his death, he went bankrupt and left behind millions in debts.
Christina did not understand anything. She looked in front of her with a frozen gaze, as if she did not believe in what she had heard.
-I will send people, they will help you pack up and move. You still have your mother's apartment, so you are provided with housing.
Everything that happened next flashed like in a nightmare. Christina seemed to be sleeping with her eyes open, allowing strangers to control their belongings and their lives. Valera disappeared somewhere, as if he had never existed. However, Christina had no time to sigh about the traitor. All the things that could be picked up were loaded into the car and distilled to a new address.
Not daddy, so daddy
The apartment left over from my mother turned out to be neglected, but spacious. Christina came to her senses a little, hired a cleaning lady and with her help put the house in order. Of course, this is not my father's mansion, but it’s quite a decent apartment, you can live, and even with comfort. Christina perked up a bit and started making plans. There was not much money left, it was necessary to urgently find a source of income, and not just a source, but a regular and abundant one. Who, besides the father, will provide for the girl? Of course the husband. And Christina decided to get married urgently.
She turned to her friends for advice, who willingly supported her idea. The girl began to attend all the events where potential suitors were found - rich and free men. Soon she met Arkady, middle-aged and ugly, but the owner of a construction company, and married him. One could breathe a sigh of relief - her husband loved and pampered her, almost like a father. But the marriage was short-lived. Christina was carried away by the handsome chauffeur, her husband found out about the betrayal and put her out of the door. He did not even give away the presented jewelry, pointing out the clause of the marriage contract. The girl had to return to her mother's apartment again and put things in order again.
The next candidate for suitors was an elderly academician. Christina did not care about his academic merits, the main thing was that there was a luxurious apartment with a servant, a solid bank account and no complaints. True, the old man was in no hurry to formalize the relationship, but Christine lived so freely with him that she completely threw out of her head the annoying little things in the form of an inheritance. And in vain. The scientist died of a massive heart attack, and his heirs quickly put Christina on the street.
Thirty five
What is thirty-five years for a modern woman? Christina disguised her failures with competent makeup and carefree laughter, hoping to catch her luck in her nets. In the evenings I would sit in elite restaurants and trendy clubs, sipping mineral water and looking for a suitable candidate for husbands among the crowd. The stomach was cramping with hunger at the sight of mouth-watering dishes that the waiters carried to the tables. Alas, she had no money for dinner. She has long sold all the jewelry to her former girlfriends, literally for a pittance.
“You can go to the pawnshop,” one of these “exes” replied to her in response to accusations of stinginess. - They will give even less.
"Ungrateful creatures!" - Christina thought about the girls who were lucky to stay in high society. She considered herself temporarily thrown to the sidelines of life and was sure that she would still return to star orbit.
She was lucky when she met Vasily in one of the restaurants. Let not a respectable businessman, just the owner of a bakery, but kind and without pretensions. Christina had already almost relaxed, having warmed herself with his warmth, when a new problem appeared - Vasya wanted children. Christina doubted: in principle, she did not need children, she never thought about them, but almost all of her friends had "spinogrynies". Why is it worse? Apparently, really, it is necessary ...
But while Christina was thinking, their relationship with the baker ended - one of his young subordinates became pregnant. Vasya, out of the kindness of his soul, gave his former beloved money and said goodbye forever.
Forty five
Forty-five - a woman is a berry again! Christina was not sad for long, and soon met Armen, the owner of a supermarket. The hot Caucasian showered the beautiful blonde with gifts, and Christina came to life again. There was a sparkle in his eyes, wrinkles smoothed out, and hope spreads slightly faded wings. The joy lasted exactly until the moment when Armen's wife arrived with the children. The businessman turned out to be decent, did not throw the aging mistress out of the door - he offered the job of the hall administrator. Christina agreed. It seemed to her that there was nothing to do in this position - walk around the trading floor and keep an eye on the work of the sellers. It turned out that everything is much more complicated, and she was fired literally a month later. True, Armen, out of the kindness of his soul, recommended the woman to his friend, and he sent her ... to pack vegetables.
“Pension is coming soon,” Christina said playfully to herself and stretched, stretching her aching back. It's no joke, for twelve hours, sitting in one position, sorting cucumbers with tomatoes. Damn it, this job ... Christina got up and, looking around furtively, pulled out an open bottle of vodka from the locker. She poured a little into a chipped cup and, closing her eyes, drank. Eyes sparkled, almost like in youth, cheeks flushed.
Christina nodded to the foreman and went outside to take a breath of fresh air.
At that moment, a car drove up to the supermarket, from which a lady in a fur coat fluttered out, seemingly the same age as Christina. Well-groomed, smart and clearly loved. Look how her husband supports her by the elbow, like a crystal vase ... Christina narrowed her eyes and gasped - this is Galka!
-Galya!
The ex-girlfriend pursed her lips and quickened her pace.
-Dear, who is this? - asked her companion. - Do you know her?
-No, of course, - Galya snorted contemptuously. - There are a lot of beggars around ...
“Ungrateful,” Christina gasped with anger and turned away, biting her lip.
They are all like that. Ungrateful ...
Being a queen does not mean sending for snowdrops in winter, chopping off heads and doing nothing with your own hands. Let's leave such queens in cartoons and children's books. Being a real queen, admirable and envy, is not so easy! But any girl can become a queen - and catch admiring glances on herself. How to do it? We bring to your attention 14 rules that will make you a person of blue blood.
1. Kings are content with little. Yes it is. Our endless spending on trinkets, a million jars in the bathroom, the desire to "amaze" everyone at corporate parties - unfortunately, causes a backlash from others. Don't chase after all the new products that are advertised, don't waste money on a fiftieth lipstick or a pair of shoes that you don't need at all, and are purchased only to surprise someone. Don't be surprised. Most likely it will go unnoticed by other people.
2. The back should be straight. This is one of the basic rules. Correct posture is one of the hallmarks of royalty. Have you ever seen the Queen of England stooped? No. Not befitting. Only people begging for alms can boast of stooping, because this pose is trying to make you feel sorry for. Do you need it?
3. Well-groomed hands. A woman's arms and legs should always be well-groomed. No half-worn varnish, broken nails, rough heels, etc. If you are unable to visit a good manicurist, there are now a wide variety of home care products available in stores. Do not spare this time on yourself. Well-groomed hands are always 50% of your success. And no nail art - nothing more vulgar can be imagined. You are the queen, not a peasant at the fair and not a servant on a holiday.
4. War paint. Honestly, I don't understand women who like to put on several layers of makeup, highlighting everything. See photos of the royals. None of them have flashy makeup - this is considered vulgar. And your skin also suffers from this, plus after 40 years - it generally looks comical. Everything should be in moderation.
5. Our body. We are all consumers of imposed images that are constantly advertised to us in the press and on TV, setting unattainable goals for us, while forming a deep sense of guilt. And if our body is not perfect, then we try to close it as much as possible, hide in a "shell" and not protrude too much. Accept yourself for who you are. Do not exhaust yourself with diets (all the same, there will be little benefit, but aggression will increase). If you are unhappy with your appearance- go in for sports, this is the most The best way get rid of complexes and accept yourself.
6. Our food. No self-respecting queen would eat fast food. This is not comme il faut. And don't abuse it. Food should be simple and healthy. Do not chase the newfangled "fresh", ecological food, etc. They are not always useful and really give the result that you want to get. For example, I cannot eat one "herb", I definitely need meat, only I do not use it in the form of sausages or sausages, but with pleasure I eat it boiled or fried. But in small portions. Now there are many different culinary schools where you can learn how to cook perfectly and be a queen even in the "kitchen".
7. Our speech. Yes, we just have more problems with speech than with appearance. So, queens never squeal or scream, they can only raise their voices, adding a little demanding notes (if it becomes completely unbearable) or explain in a calm confident voice what she wants. "Obscene words" are our scourge. It is not befitting for royalty to stoop to the level of bindings. Watch what you say.
8. Our behavior. Have you ever seen royalty rush headlong to an important meeting? Their gait is always unhurried, their steps are small, their backs are straight. You can always be in time everywhere, sometimes so you can sweep past your happiness like a whirlwind and not notice it.
9. Our breath. Notice how you breathe. When I started to study psychology, I was told that I was not breathing. I honestly didn’t understand how it was, and then when I began to track my breathing, I really didn’t know how to take a sigh. I have always had it smeared. Changing your breathing is one of the hardest things to do when you want to change yourself. But you can start small. When you walk down the street, control your breathing. It doesn't have to be frequent. Start with a simple count of 1-2-3-4 sighs, then 1-2-3-4 exhalation, after five times add one or two numbers. It is ideal to take two breaths - two breaths per minute. But at first it is difficult. Correct breathing will help us to “ground”, ie. to leave the world of illusions, in which we are, and really look at the situation in full.
10. Our promises. If we have promised something, then we must definitely fulfill it, because the queen's word is law.
11. Ability to always come on time."Accuracy - the politeness of kings". Have you heard this expression? So - kings are never late, and you try not to. Punctuality in time is one of the features of royalty.
12. Our clothes. Don't chase brands. Moreover, for their fakes. There is nothing more comical than watching women in their 30s with fake CHANEL or LV bags. It really looks funny and people see it. Train yourself to wear clothes that are appropriate for your age and status. Believe me, branded things, even for a lot of money, will not help you gain respect in society, and you will still look ridiculous in them, because you still need to learn how to wear an expensive thing. Therefore, if you want to be a real queen, do not buy too expensive clothes, spending your last money on it, you can do this when you are really rich, or clothes in large malls, where all things are stamped by our Chinese friends and sold at a large mark-up. , but look for things in small shops, young designers, which may not be very expensive, but at the same time be of very good quality.
13. Read. All royalty are educated people. It is unlikely that they sit for hours in chats or Facebook. Dedicate your free time an interesting book that has been on your shelf for a long time, but which your hands never reach.
14. Notice your flaws and work on them. There are no ideal people, but everything is in our hands, as we present ourselves, so people will perceive us.
Eva Lanska
Eva, as a writer and a very observant person, can you share your impressions of how girls from high society differ from those who would like to be there?
E.L. I am not an expert in this area, but at one time I remember the advice of an acting teacher, who said that the main quality of an artist and screenwriter is observation. Therefore, we can talk about life observations, not rules. Probably the first difference that attracts attention is the constant maintenance of distance from the interlocutor and knowledge of your personal boundaries. Selectivity in communication according to interests, due to the understanding of the value of time. Another sign of a socialite is an advance of respect towards a stranger. It is understood that all people are benevolent, once they are in this circle, but until the moment when trust is not undermined, as a rule, there is only one chance. Always polite attitude to the staff, but without unnecessary emotions.
Such women do not try to get into the soul of others, to compete with their friends or imitate them, they respect his individuality in another a priori. It does not occur to the girls we are talking about to cry into the waistcoat about their personal life to little-known people. They rarely criticize other women and, as they say, if they wash dirty linen in public, it is only as a last resort on the advice of a lawyer and for self-defense, and not spontaneously out of envy or a desire to share the insult with the public, to cause pity.
Girls from high society watch their speech, their faces are usually friendly. They respond with a smile to the greetings of others, including those of their acquaintances who are not particularly interested in them, but there is no hint in this smile, it is restrained, does not lead to anything and does not oblige. When I received compliments from a princess or a Hollywood actress, I assumed that such a compliment was not a call for communication and not a reason to take a selfie immediately, but a calm expression of emotion that might not even be followed by a continuation of the dialogue. The dress code is more of an emphasis not on what they are wearing, but on how they wear their outfit and the poses in which you see them. A straight back, calm gestures and no tension in the face. Ability to leave on time and correctly, without attracting too much attention to your person. They, as a rule, keep their promises, and if they do not like something, they do not sort things out on the spot. In an ambiguous situation, they will smile and try to change the topic of the conversation. The fact that the interlocutor behaved offensively, the guilty one will notice gradually due to the lack of invitations and further signs of attention from this person. She will not demonstrate distance using social media - in this case, silence will sound eloquently. Demonstration of superiority, pretensions and an arrogant look betrays a newcomer. The flip side of a decent society is a showdown, talking in a raised voice especially in public places, the habit of interrupting, canceling a meeting at the last minute, and so on.
Among the secular hobbies and leisure activities, which would you highlight?
E.L. Today I read George Meredith: in one chapter for several hours, two gentlemen describe the different qualities of port and draw an analogy of its properties in relation to wine. Comparison of port wine with - Homeric hexameter, and Burgon wine with - dithyrambs of Pindar. I think this is curious. It seems to me that beautiful correct speech and reading good literature is quite aristocratic, as well as the ability to receive guests, knowledge of the rules of etiquette, adherence to the dress code, regardless of the personal importance of the event for you, if you accept the invitation. Some traditional sports include horse riding, tennis, cricket, golf and sailing. Understanding of the foundations of the art of painting and music.
The blood aristocrats I have met often do not have impressive financial fortunes, but they also look elegant and behave in accordance with the rules. Good manners are not a matter of wealth, but a matter of self-nurturing and self-respect. In general, in my work I try to deal with those for whom self-realization is the main motivation; money is also important, no doubt, but it is in second place.
There used to be a whole alphabet of ballroom flirting symbols with the help of a fan and flies. And how do ladies now hint at sympathy, antipathy or the status "everything is complicated" at a social event?
E.L. As for the relationship between the sexes, I would no longer be talking about etiquette, but about psychology. It seems to me that today, upon first meeting, the biggest sign from a woman to a stranger is a restrained smile. I doubt the success of a relationship where a woman is the initiator. When a man is really interested in a lady, he will always find a way to introduce himself.
As for the rules of etiquette, I noted some other useful nuances in the daily practice of keeping a house and receiving guests. For example, it is considered good practice to decorate a table during a reception with flowers that are seasonal in your city at a given time. When a toast is dedicated to you as the hostess of the evening, it is customary to listen while standing, but this time not to drink from your glass. It is important to remember that the main guest should be offered a seat according to right hand and, of course, you will offer drinks and treats first to the right, and only then to the person sitting on the left. At a dinner party, it is not customary to eat bread until the second course, implying that you are not hungry and have come to communicate, and not to nourish your stomach. Of course, bread is eaten in small pieces, breaking off from the main one, and it lies on a separate plate or just on the table. All toasts are made before dessert, and a man can take off his jacket just not before they take out the sweets. Also, if you are already at dinner, then sitting down at the table, it is not decent to leave it just until the moment of dessert.
Where do high society girls meet their future spouses? What events and ceremonies in London are associated with this?
E.L. The other day I read in a book of the last century that the bride and groom in Great Britain, seeing each other before the wedding in society, kept a respectful distance of 2 feet 10 inches in relation to each other, which developed respect in a man and increased attraction. Since then, the rules have changed a bit, but are they permanent? There are doubts. Today, as before, most often, acquaintances take place with friends, family or in the process of studying at the university. There are also people who practice pairing professionally. And then there is the influence of fate - also a famous matchmaker! Suffice it to recall the heartfelt choice of King Edward VII. Since it means Edward, who abdicated for the sake of Wallis Simpson, divorced twice, it was Edward the Eighth.
Speaking of high society girls, do you mean the daughters of the titled aristocrats of England or the financial elite, the bourgeoisie, or media celebrities?
E.L. I have met similar character traits in different girls who consider themselves an elite by one criterion or another, sometimes this is due to origin, sometimes marriage or self-education. It seems to me that the main role is played by the qualities of the soul, which are given from above at the moment of birth. Education plays an important but secondary role. Today, at first glance, the criteria for secularism are blurred. England still retains the basic class rules, but for them a stable class society is not only a matter of culture, it is also the basis of economic stability and political stability. Of course, a lot has been written about the fact that an aristocrat can be recognized by blood by his posture, special relaxation of the body and the absence of tension in gestures and facial expressions, by the absence of excessiveness in the style of clothing, and there are even specialists who find elements of silver in the composition of blood ... Noble character, Nothing can replace moderate modesty in getting around, and these are the qualities that you can develop in yourself on your own.
Closed membership clubs are probably the very places where you can meet people who are attentive to themselves in matters of education and self-realization. What clubs in London do you know, like and why?
E.L. The main merit of the member clubs is the selection among the guests you meet in this institution. This protects the psyche from unnecessary intrusions. I used to be a member of different clubs, but today I would prefer the popular Arts Club - delicious guaranteed; Royal Automobile Club - great pool and guest pick; George is a nice terrace for a summer coffee in the heart of Mayfair. It's nice to visit places where basically all guests share similar interests.
In closed clubs in London, what other features of communication are characteristic of their members?
E.L. Events are organized quite often, especially for hunting and equestrian clubs. The main advantage of the club is the presence of a conditional selection of guests before admission to the club, made by the club committee. This gives the supposed chance to meet people with similar hobbies and social positioning. But despite the fact that recommendations from the current members of the club for the acceptance of a new member are necessary, all this does not give any guarantees, since today the selection criteria are less thorough and sometimes completely conditional.
You have lived in both France and England. What are the shocking differences between English and French etiquette from the point of view of a foreigner, a person of non-European culture?
E.L. I would start with the mental difference that is often encountered while in these countries. In any controversial situation, the Englishman says - it's my fault. The Frenchman assures you that you are to blame, while this is not even a statement of fact, but part of colloquial speech, something like a connecting word. This is a national peculiarity, and in this case it does not matter who is really to blame - it is just important to know these reactions, not to be surprised and react accordingly.
In general, there are so many differences that, having traveled from Paris to London, I even attended English etiquette courses to study the difference, which, in a sense, was deliberately created by competing neighboring countries. For example, in France, during a meal, hands lie on the table (previously this guaranteed peace to the reigning French monarch Louis XI as a sign that the guest had no weapons hidden under the table, by the way, for this he even banned sharpened knives in everyday life). The British had other security measures in vogue, so their hands during dinner do not lie on the table, but are on their knees.
It is also worth paying attention to the presence in French of the pronouns "you" and "you", which in English are denoted by one "you". In England, the attitude "to you" is conveyed not by word, but by intonation and configuration of speech. The transition to "you" in France is marked by the status of a close friend and occurs over time. "You" is not just a grammatical form. This is a very important, albeit elusive social sign. It seems to me that the fact that in some French families the spouses never say "you" to each other throughout their long life together only strengthens their interest and respect for each other.
E.L. I sometimes see articles in foreign media that the Russian secular society underestimates the impact of etiquette on relationships. It seems to me that this statement is only partially true and over time the situation will change for the better. Russians love to improve themselves. Since I am in London at the moment, why not share such a fundamental topic. In the end, if you think about it, observance of etiquette preserves friendship, maintains respect for oneself and for the interlocutor, helps to feel the beauty of everyday life more sharply, what more can you want from this not the most complicated science. I invited one of the leading experts in this field, William Henson, as a consultant for the project, together with him we are looking for relevant topics that are interesting for our audience. Hope to please with new releases soon.
Having a sense of style. As a rule, this quality is innate, but it can be nurtured. If from the very childhood you try to give the girl a deep aesthetic education and show an example of real elegance, it is possible to raise a real lady from her. At the same time, do not forget that style is not only the ability to dress well, but also the ability to surround yourself with beautiful things, radiate a special charm and attract admiring glances from others.
Second rule: great manners
A lady always behaves with her inherent grace and knows how to behave in any situation. She does not allow herself to relax, even when she is alone. The easiest way to recognize her is the way she speaks. No wonder in the famous play by George Bernard Shaw "Pygmalion" professor of phonetics Higgins, having decided to turn the street flower girl Eliza Dolittle into a real lady, first of all, teaches her impeccable pronunciation.
Third rule: education
A lady must be fluent in several foreign languages. It will not be difficult for her to keep up a conversation on any topic. At the same time, she will never stop on the path of self-improvement.
Fourth rule: creative giftedness
Music accompanies a true lady from childhood. She should be able to move beautifully and gracefully, play a musical instrument and not be afraid to sing for her guests. A lady must be able to dance. She should be rhythmic and graceful, confidently holding herself during any dance. Once upon a time, a lady had to adequately represent herself in society during balls.
Fifth rule: etiquette
And this applies not only to the rules of behavior at the table, but also to the ability to behave in society. A lady should be able to adequately receive guests, know what to say and to whom, when to smile, and when to show equanimity.
Sixth rule: hard work
Although today there is an idea of aristocrats as bored loafers, a real lady is an excellent hostess at all times. She must be inherent in the ability to perfectly cook, set the table, manage the household. A modern lady always has cleanliness and order in her house.
Seventh rule: a sense of beauty
A true lady should be able to grow flowers and make beautiful and exquisite bouquets from them. Flowers accompany her throughout her life, she decorates her home with them. At the same time, it is impossible to see a single faded bouquet in her house.
Eighth rule: sewing skills
Even if a lady purchases her outfits from the best stores, she needs to be able to sew. Such skills will allow her to tastefully compose her wardrobe and always keep it in perfect order.
Ninth rule: physical health
Once upon a time in English high society, a lady had to be able to ride a horse, because she had to participate in the hunt and attend the races. Today, many girls are also fond of equestrian sports, but this skill is no longer required. However, a lady can saddle the "iron horse" by learning to drive a car.
Tenth rule: work on yourself
Being a true lady is not an easy art, however, if you wish, you can master it. It is worth working for this, because a real lady cannot but cause universal admiration.
Complexes and internal problems often prevent them from revealing their talents and feminine qualities. What to do about it? We exercise with a psychologist, watch a video tutorial!
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